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So worth it, though.
Liam inside me is bliss.
Liam telling me I’m strong and that he’ll fight with me… holy crap. My heart just about flew out of my chest.
He’s so freaking amazing.
I love how quietly confident he is. I love that he knows just what to say to make me feel better… stronger.
He believes in me with the same tenacity my mother does.
And that’s why I can trust that this relationship is gonna last.
Theo always made me second-guess myself. I never noticed it back then, but looking back, I can see all the times he tried to control me or make me feel bad when my opinion wasn’t the same as his.
He always made these suggestions, which were really just veiled commands. And I did exactly what he told me because I was afraid of losing him. Then I was afraid of upsetting him.
But Liam doesn’t make me feel that way.
I don’t want to lose him. I love having him in my life, but our relationship isn’t tied to this desperate need, like I’ll stop breathing if he’s not there.
I can move in with Mikayla. We’re gonna set up an awesome apartment, and it’s gonna be great. And I can survive without Liam right by my side. In fact, I might even flourish in this new setup.
My mind swirls with possibilities as I imagine Liam sleepovers, then baking in that beautiful new kitchen without guys constantly coming in to interrupt me and steal taste tests. Once the food is finished, I can walk it down to Hockey House, and they can devour it there.
It’ll be great to have some quiet, less human traffic, fewer gross smells and disgusting burps at the table. It’s made easier by the thought that we’re welcome at that table anytime, though. We can come and go between the two places. Seriously, we’re getting the best of both worlds, and it’s going to be awesome.
A smile tugs at my lips while I sit on the bench seat, watching Liam’s hockey practice. I’m not technically supposed to be here, but one of the assistant coaches saw me loitering outside and recognized me.
“Just stay quiet and try to be invisible.” He winked at me, ushering me through the door before disappearing down a corridor that led who knows where. I know this arena is decked out with offices, training rooms, physio rooms, gyms, lockers—the works. I’d love to take a tour sometime, but for now, I’m happy just to “hide” in the stands and watch my boyfriend.
In spite of trying to be subtle, he spotted me in the stands a few minutes ago. I didn’t tell him I was coming because I wanted to surprise him. I’ve planned a special date night for the two of us. Mikayla helped me pull it together in between classes today. I’m borrowing Ethan’s truck and taking Liam to some lookout point on the hill. Mick’s already programmed the directions into my phone for me. We’ll sit in the truck, eating treats I’ve baked, then hopefully making out like horny teenagers.
All I have to do now is wait for practice to end and for Liam to shower up.
Checking my phone, I send a text to Mom, letting her know about the apartment. She gets back to me within seconds.
Mom: Best news ever! Send me pics as soon as you’ve moved in.
Me: I’ll do you one better and give you a video walk-through.
Mom: Bring it on, baby girl. Love you bunches, sunshine!
I grin. Dad used to call me sunshine. It was his pet name for me, and when he died, I couldn’t tolerate anyone ever calling me that again.
But Mom’s been trying to reinstate it for a while now. I haven’t wanted to be bitchy about it and demand she not use it, but maybe I’m ready to acknowledge the fact that she’s said it. So I grin down at her text, then give it a heart and send back a GIF of a smiling sun.
She hearts it, and I can just picture the delighted look on her face. A warm feeling buzzes through me and I tuck my phone away, feeling this newly acquired strength continue to blossom inside me.
I like this new Rachel. In fact, I’m kinda falling in love with her.
“Okay, guys, good job today.” Coach Bergenon starts slapping the boards, grabbing everyone’s attention. “Shower up and let’s get the hell out of here. Looks like some of us have ladies waiting on them.” He frowns at Liam, and I wince, shrinking in on myself.
The guys start laughing and hassling Liam as they skate off the ice. He whips his helmet off, grinning at me like he’s the lucky one and doesn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone says. Me showing up at his practice just made his day.
And there go those warm fuzzies all over again.
Coach shakes his head and wanders off, no doubt muttering about how I got in and whose butt he needs to kick.
