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LILY: I’m sorry to bother you like this. I know this is the greatest opportunity of my life. I know my future matters.
LILY: But I can’t. I’m so lonely. I feel like I might die here in this tiny room alone.
LILY: And I’m so scared. And I miss Dad so much. And I don’t know what to do.
LILY: I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I’m just so tired, Mom.
LILY: I’m so tired.
Rebecca immediately called Lily’s cell. Her heart was in her throat. She was overwhelmed with a single mission. She had to bring her children to Nantucket and figure out a way through this pain. She couldn’t allow them to stew in sorry for thirty years the way the Suttons had. They were the Vances, and they would miss Fred forever. But somehow, they had to find a way to move on.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Lily couldn’t make it to Nantucket for another week. During that time, Rebecca called Shelby and Chad and explained that the family would take a much-needed vacation in Nantucket. “After the year we’ve had, we have to be together.” Both Chad and Shelby understood. In fact, they sounded relieved. Further, Rebecca prepared one of the guest rooms for Lily and Shelby to share and set up a bed in the upstairs study, which was generally unused. Chad could sleep there.
During that week of Rebecca’s preparations, Bethany returned to Savannah to perform several surgeries, see her children, and make peace with her husband, who’d more or less insinuated she’d abandoned the family. “I don’t want to get divorced,” Bethany had told Rebecca quietly. Her eyes were stormy. She said she would return soon to meet Rebecca’s children and help tie up loose ends. Rebecca wasn’t sure she believed her. Before Bethany left, Rebecca hugged her hard and said, “Let’s not lose track of each other this time. Okay?” Bethany promised they wouldn’t.
Valerie remained in Nantucket for the time being but was in talks to return to San Francisco soon to pick up where she’d left off at work. Although she still didn’t fully trust Victor, she was impressed with the fact that he’d donated the antique books and subsequently saved the Sutton Book Club. She’d noticed the softness with which Esme and Victor spoke to one another, and she’d told Rebecca privately she “didn’t trust it.” To this, Rebecca had asked, “Yes, but what’s the harm? They’ve been through so much together and apart. Why shouldn’t they take refuge in each other for now?”
Esme and Victor went to an antiquarian to discuss selling the books. When they returned home that evening, they were vibrant and happy as though they’d spent the entire day laughing and telling stories. They reported that the antiquarian was “very optimistic” about the sale of the books. Many books like theirs hadn’t survived the war.
Rebecca was strangely sad to leave Nantucket to pick up Lily. As she watched the island dissipate over the horizon, she couldn’t believe she’d allowed so many years to go by between trips home. How could she have given up on such a big piece of herself?
During the six-hour drive to New York, Rebecca listened to audiobooks and albums she’d liked before meeting Fred. She wanted to get back in touch with the person she’d been before motherhood—before marriage. Maybe whoever she’d been would help her set the stage for who she would be next.
When Rebecca reached Lily’s apartment, the door flew open and out popped Lily. She hugged Rebecca as though she was a drowning victim. When she stepped back, Rebecca found herself staring at a fragile person with sunken-in eyes and cheeks. It took every bit of restraint Rebecca had not to burst into tears. Instead, she said, “Are you all packed? Ready to go?” Lily nodded, grabbed her suitcase, and rushed down the hallway. She didn’t look back.
The ferry returned to Nantucket around six thirty that evening. Rebecca watched Lily’s face as she took in the vision of the island, a place she’d never been before. When they got off the ferry, Rebecca parked the SUV in a parking lot near the harbor, and together, they roamed the boardwalk, watching the boats and the tourists. Lily said, “I can finally breathe here. The air in the city was so stifling.” At this, Rebecca took deeper breaths, trying to appreciate what she had.
After a while, Rebecca and Lily sat on a bench overlooking the water, and Rebecca tried her best to explain what had brought her to Nantucket in the first place. How could she wrap up thirty years of memories into a half-hour conversation?
Lily listened intently, her brow furrowing. When Rebecca told Lily about Joel, her eyes were fiery. She couldn’t believe Rebecca had never told her children about their uncle! Rebecca apologized. She explained she could hardly look at her own pain, let alone translate that pain to the ones she loved most. “I ran away from everything that happened, but the pain caught up with me when your father died. Coming back here was a way to make peace with my own stories.”
“Has it helped?” Lily asked.
Rebecca considered this. “I think I might be more brokenhearted than ever. But maybe that’s healthier than pretending everything is okay.”
Lily explained that she’d gone to New York City to pretend that everything was all right with her, as well. Although she’d been a student in the city for years, she’d been mesmerized and disgusted with the rat race mentality, even at the intern level. None of those people seemed bothered by any of life’s unfairness. None of those people had ever dealt with loss. “I woke up one morning and knew I was headed toward burnout,” Lily said. “All I could do was cry in the bathroom. Isn’t that pathetic?”
Rebecca shook her head and held her daughter close. She couldn’t even begin to tell her how understandable that was.
Suddenly, a familiar face appeared in the crowd. It was Ben, and he looked fresh-faced, tan, and spry. Unlike normal, he walked alone, without Doug, and he wore what looked like a sailing uniform of shorts and a polo T-shirt. Rebecca hadn’t seen him since last week’s Veterans’ Dinner, and her heart jumped into her throat.
“Ben! Hey!” Rebecca waved.
Ben made a beeline for Rebecca and Lily. Lily peered at Ben curiously.
“Ben, I want you to meet my eldest daughter,” Rebecca said, praying she didn’t blush too violently. “This is Lily.”
Ben’s smile was electric. “It’s my lucky day!” He shook Lily’s hand. “When did you arrive?”
“Just now,” Lily said.
“Wow. I still remember my first day in Nantucket. I could tell immediately it was something special,” Ben said.
Lily nodded but remained quiet.
“Where are you off to?” Rebecca asked.
