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“Love has nothing to do with it. It’s hard to explain but sometimes two people just click and every touch between them is electric. I’m not saying it doesn’t lead somewhere else, but that spark is all about sexual compatibility. We’ve got chemistry, Lara. That’s the whole problem. That’s why your nipples are hard right now.”
“Could you please stop talking about my nipples?” It was embarrassing, but she did understand what he meant by spark. She’d felt them flying through her system since the moment she’d laid eyes on him. Was it true? Did they have some kind of chemistry that only came along once in a while?
“Do you think this happens to me all the time? Let me tell you, prin—” He paused. “Lara, it doesn’t. It’s very rare that I meet a woman and want her like I want my next breath. And it’s never happened this hard and fast. It’s thrown me for a loop and I have no idea how to handle it. That’s why I’m doing such a terrible job of dealing with you. I need you to be a little patient with me.”
Her patience got her in all kinds of trouble. It was why he was here in the first place. Of course it was also likely the only reason she’d survived yesterday’s attack. “We’re kind of opposites. I know they attract and all but they rarely work out in the end.”
“Does everything have to end in marriage? Were you thinking about the long term with Niall? Don’t answer that. I know what you’re going to say.”
This was not how she’d expected the conversation to go. She’d been waiting for some protest on his part, but in a professional manner. She certainly hadn’t expected him to initiate any kind of intimate dialogue. Was she, like he’d suggested, reading too much into his words and not enough into his actions? He’d been tender with her the night before. She would bet he wasn’t tender very often.
“Yes,” she admitted. “A couple of days into talking with Niall, I was thinking about a future. It’s what I do. I know I shouldn’t. Kiki thinks I need a few flings to loosen me up.”
“And now I kind of hate Kiki, too.”
“Why?”
He threw his hands in the air. “I have no idea. I am utterly irrational when it comes to you. I’m being honest with you, Lara. Why was I mean? Because I want you and I don’t think I can have you. Because I’m a jealous, possessive prick who doesn’t deserve you any more than Niall did.”
She shook her head. “It wouldn’t work. We just met and we’ve already argued.”
“Because I’m fighting this. Because I don’t want to be vulnerable to you or anyone. It’s totally against my nature. I don’t like the feeling. But I also know that I don’t want you to walk away. I can’t give up the responsibility of watching out for you. If anything happens to you, I won’t be able to live with myself.”
“Why? I have trouble believing that you’re feeling too much for me or whatever. You just met me.”
“I didn’t say it was rational. I just said it was.” He sighed. “Look, Niall is a player. He figured out very quickly what you wanted in a guy and gave it to you. I’m the opposite. I won’t pretend. I’m just the asshole who makes you feel like crap because I like you and I don’t understand why or know how to say it.”
Actually, she understood that entirely. Still, his admission stirred up a bunch of girly, fluttery emotions. She’d been very open with Niall because he’d seemed so honest with her. They’d had a lot in common. At least she’d thought so. She and Connor came from completely different worlds. But that only made him more dangerous.
She tried to shove her feelings back and focus. “I thought I wrote a rag.”
That hadn’t been the most hurtful thing he’d said, but it was the easiest to address.
“I might not believe in everything you do, but I like that you stand up for what matters to you. And I admit I don’t understand it completely. So why don’t you teach me, Lara? Let me really get to know you.”
She liked it better when he was being an ass. He was way easier to deal with. This new Connor had soulful eyes and she halfway believed what he said, even knowing it could all be a ploy to win her trust so he could keep his paycheck. “Against my better judgment, I kind of like you, too. This seems like a bad idea.”
He invaded her space again and cupped her shoulders. “Kiss me. That kiss in the elevator meant something. You know it did. It was more than just setting our cover. Just kiss me once and if you don’t want to do it again, I’ll leave. If you still think I’m only here for the money, I’ll walk out the door. But if you get even the slightest thought floating through your brain that you might enjoy being with me, then let me stay.”
Simply being close to him messed with her mind. His touch was potentially addictive. She’d slept better last night than she had in weeks because he made her feel safe. Despite every snide word he’d tossed at her earlier, despite the fact that he was a distrusting carnivore with a worldview that ran counter to her own, he tempted her like mad. All she wanted to do was put her lips on his and explore.
She’d never done anything like that with Tom or her high school boyfriend. She even shied away from playing with herself because she liked connecting with people. So there hadn’t seemed much point in masturbation. But she’d stood in that elevator with Spencer Connor and she’d wanted to wrap her arms around him, spread her legs wide, and welcome him inside her. She’d rubbed against his leg because her every instinct told her this man could make her feel.
“I don’t do flings.” That wasn’t something she could manage, at least not yet. She needed time to think things over.
He finally took a step back, placing much-needed distance between them. “Okay. I didn’t jump on you last night and I won’t now. But you won’t find another man who will protect you the way I can. You won’t find another man who will let you work the way I will. And if you want to experiment, if you want to explore this chemistry between us, I’ll let you do that, too.”
In a flash, she knew she’d regret it if she didn’t. She would always wonder if Connor was the one man who could have set her sensuality free. Why should she have to live like a nun for the rest of her life?
The things she was best at had always been things she practiced. Like the piano. She’d hated the lessons when she was a kid and now she found a deep peace in being able to sit down and play Bach or Chopin. She was a better writer for having done it over and over throughout the years. She could look at some of her early pieces and cringe, but she’d gotten better.
What if sex was like that? What if her supposed ineptitude really hadn’t been her fault and all she’d needed was some instruction and practice?
Lara shook her head. This train of thought was stupid. She wasn’t as dumb as he suspected.
Still, she had that meeting coming up and she was sure that keeping it while staying in the city would be easier than trying to rendezvous from her dad’s.
“All right. You can stay, but only as a bodyguard and you have to sleep on the couch.” She couldn’t risk physical intimacy with him, not until she’d really prepared herself.
“Lara . . .” His face had fallen and she could see him working up to argue his case.
She shook her head. She’d let him call all the shots up to this point, and that time was over. “No. If you can’t handle the couch, I’ll go to my father’s.”
It was time to take control back. He was too different, too dangerous, but he was also her best option in a bad bunch.
He stood there and she could practically see that sharp mind of his working overtime. He wasn’t slow at all. She no longer bought the “I’m a lowly sailor” routine.
Was he telling her the truth about wanting her? Did it even matter since she knew what a horrible idea sleeping with him would be?
“All right,” he relented. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”
She held out a hand. “Then we’re good.”
He took it in his own, but instead of shaking it, he cupped his o
ther hand over hers. She was surrounded by his warmth, his strength. And she definitely felt the electricity between them. “But sweetheart, we’ve already set our cover in motion. In public, you have to act like you’re in love with me.”
“Can’t we break up?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“I thought you’d say that.” He was good at saying no. She pulled her hand from his and began putting her stuff away.
“I’ll go reheat breakfast and we can start over. You need your strength. We have a lot to do today.” He was gone before she could reply.
Lara stood in her bedroom and had to wonder if she hadn’t just made a deal with the devil. A handsome, glorious devil, but the devil all the same.
* * *
