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Chapter One
Kyle “Ox” Matthews pounded the pavement as if he could outrun the demons that wanted to pull him deep into their clutches. The streets were quiet, but the air vibrated with restless energy.
Or maybe he was the one vibrating.
Memories of why he was running lingered in the recesses of his mind. The straggly ends of his nightmare clung to him like his sweat-soaked tank hugged his chest. The pain in his side a reminder of what he’d endured, but also that he was pushing himself too much and he should slow down.
He increased his pace.
Pain was proof Ox was alive.
He’d survived.
He was able to breathe. Fill his lungs with air.
Get up each morning and walk.
Many people didn’t have that. Friends he’d known never got the chance to see the sunrise anymore. He’d come close to being one of them. Of never being able to feel the sun on his skin. Hear the rain belting down on the roof of his car. Smell the sweet jasmine from the bushes hedging his apartment building.
The nightmare reminded him of what’d almost taken him.
Ox slowed his pace, the pain in his side unbearable. He halted and stood out the front of the Griffith Observatory. The city of LA was laid out in front of him. Glittering beautifully as the darkness hid the smog that would be visible in a few hours.
The Hollywood sign stood proudly on the hillside. A beacon for dreamers and believers. For a few, the realization of lifelong goals. For most, always a little out of reach.
Normally, Ox woke from the nightmare, showered and moved on. Tonight, it’d forced him out of his home.
This time, the memories more vivid. The pain of the shots more intense, as though he was experiencing them all over again.
The guilt that he hadn’t been able to protect Penni. It didn’t matter that she’d survived, was happily married and mother to a cute little boy.
Guilt wasn’t an emotion he could easily get rid of because if he’d been able to protect her, she wouldn’t have suffered the trauma at all. Wouldn’t have almost died.
No one knew he suffered through nightmares. Ox preferred to keep it that way. It was his battle. His demons.
If Penni knew guilt over her kidnapping still ate him up, she’d slap the side of his head and tell him to stop it. She was alive, and nothing else mattered.
The last thing he wanted was for her to think she was responsible for the way he was feeling. He admired and respected the woman. After her trauma, she’d married a Navy SEAL, one he’d worked closely with over the last couple of years. Fort was a good man, and he and Penni were the genuine thing. Their connection was real, and according to Fort, instantaneous for him.
What would it be like to have that?
All around Ox, people were falling in love. All of the men claiming they’d known the moment they’d met their women.
The demons that hounded him faded into the distance the more he thought about his friends and their happiness. There was goodness and love in the world.
It was around him.
Had he ever felt that sort of connection with anyone?
Once.
One night.
Then he’d found out who she worked for and had kicked her out of his apartment and erased her number. The hurt on her face still haunted him almost as much as his nightmares did.
Even though LA was a big place, Ox had seen her a few times. Out at bars. Chance encounters where he’d kept his ass firmly in his chair and ignored her.
He didn’t consort with the enemy. He’d been burned once before and had paid a price for doing so. He’d believed the wrong person when she said he could trust her. He had no plans on dipping his toe in any pool where the same outcome could occur. He didn’t trust easily now, and that night, he’d believed his trust has been betrayed and he’d been used. No way would he let anything affect his business. Not with the new direction he was taking it in.
