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Calandra huffed her understanding.
I pulled her along, neither of us slowing until we made it back to the landing.
Twenty-Seven
The chatter in the mess hall drowned out around me as I stared blankly ahead at Calandra. Numb was my new normal. I took comfort in the absence.
Her lips moved, but I couldn’t hear what she was saying over the whooshing sound in my ears. It’d been two days since the last trial—since I’d killed Kelvin—and I still didn’t feel any remorse. Talon said it was shock. Denial. But I knew it was deeper than that.
I was aware of what I’d done, and if I had to go back and redo it, I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Kelvin might not have been as much of a monster as Aeron, but I refused to sit back while the people I cared about got hurt. Not anymore.
“Elowyn. Hello, Elowyn…”
I shook my head—refocusing—and the chatter returned to full volume, assaulting my ears. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you. What’d you say?”
“I was saying how we haven’t had a chance to talk after the trial, and I feel bad I’ve not been able to thank you properly. I was such an asshole.” Her brows formed crests of wrinkles between them.
Poking the brown mush around on my plate, I shrugged. “It’s all good, you had no control over it. It was him or you, ya know? The decision was simple.”
“Yeah, I guess. There are only two more trials left. What are we going to do if we both make it to the end? I don’t think I’ll be capable of killing you, Elowyn. Even Aeron.”
“You’d be surprised what you’re capable of when it comes down to it. But there’s no point worrying about it until we must, okay? Just eat.” I chewed on my words. Telling her not to worry was rich, especially coming from me. Who was I to give advice when I couldn’t turn off my thoughts?
Calandra grimaced. “You haven’t touched your plate.”
I didn’t need her to feel bad for me or worse, worry about me. But the truth was, I didn’t have an appetite. It wasn’t because of what I’d done or because I was sad. I was tired. The kind of tiredness you felt in your bones that only a weeklong sleep could fix—if only that was a luxury I could afford.
So, instead, I mustered a smile. “I ate some earlier,” I lied. “To be honest, I only came down hoping I’d catch you to make sure you were okay. I need to meet Talon to train in a few, so I’m going to get some fresh air first. Do you want the rest?” I pushed the tray in her direction.
She scrunched her nose and giggled. “No thanks. If I have to look at any more brown mush, I’ll throw up all over the table.”
“Yeah, I get that.” I picked my tray off the table and stood. “Hey, if I don’t see you around before the next trial, try to keep your chin up, okay?”
Calandra nodded, and I smiled.
“Remember, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” I reaffirmed.
I dumped my food into the trash and slipped out of the mess hall, into a quiet part of the castle.
Thoughts of Talon and whatever was transpiring between us plagued me. One—two moments of stupid, reckless, impulsive decisions, and I couldn’t get him off my mind. In the quiet moments, he’d invade the space left behind. In the moments not filled with danger, despair, or grief, it was only him.
But I didn’t need that.
I needed to be focused on the trials and getting out of this star-forsaken place because both of our loved ones depended on me. I certainly shouldn’t be thinking about what it’d mean for us when this was all over.
It was reckless. Foolish. Yet, it didn’t stop me from yearning for his touch.
Insufferable fae prick.
Rounding another corner, the large glass doors to the outdoor gardens came into view when a hand latched onto my throat, slamming my body into the stone wall.
I struggled to breathe as Aeron squeezed my windpipe, his lips furling into a cold-blooded snarl. “You stupid bitch!” he spat, droplets of saliva misting my face.
The corner of my vision darkened.
I clawed at his hands, trying to pry his fingers off me. “I—I’m sorry,” I choked. “I didn’t?—”
“Oh, don’t you worry, sweetheart. I’ll make sure you’re sorry. I’ll make sure you suffer, you worthless bastard.” He squeezed my neck tighter.
