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“You’ve been guarded ever since I told you that I love you. It’s been very difficult for me, and hurtful, but I have done my best to give you your space. If you don’t feel the same way about me that I feel about you, that is fine. I will have to learn to deal with it. But I will still take care of you, Jennifer. I will still make sure you have everything that you need, for yourself and for our baby.”
I turn my back to him, staring out of the window again. The afternoon sun is glowing orange and gold through the tall grass in the fields around the house. I close my eyes as thoughts rush through my mind. The reason I have been so agitated is actually quite simple. But I only just realized it at this moment. I have been upset ever since he told me he loves me because I was so scared that it wasn’t true. I want it to be true so badly that I managed to work myself into a state of fear, and then lashed out at Kiril because of it.
I feel his hand on my back.
“I know it can’t be easy, little rabbit. You’re pregnant and I can’t even imagine how tired you must be, eating for two, carrying our little marshmallow around. I’m here, alright? Even when I’m trying to give you space, I’m still right here.”
I can’t believe that after I was so rude to him, only a moment ago, he is still being so gentle and calm with me.
“Jenn, I heard you talking to the little one about getting some food. Come on, I’ll make us something. We can have a snack before dinner. The chef will be starting on that in about an hour, so we can make something small if you’d like?” He runs his hand over my shoulder, down my arm, and slips his fingers through mine, holding my hand in his. I lean my back against his chest and enjoy how close he is to me.
I feel him kiss the top of my head, pausing for a moment with his lips pressed against me. Then he pulls me around to face him.
“What do you feel like?” he asks.
“Kiril, I really am sorry for being a bit crazy.”
He chuckles. “It’s fine. Your body is growing a whole other person inside you. You can be a little crazy. Come on.”
He pulls me by my hand and walks me to the kitchen. He lifts me up and slides me onto the counter so that I can watch him working.
“I’m going to make us some mini waffles with ice cream and caramel sauce.” He is leaning into the fridge, so he doesn’t see the smile that spreads across my face.
“Are we having dessert before dinner?”
“We can do whatever we want, little rabbit.” He turns to grin at me.
My heart flutters in my chest and I bite back the feeling. But it is a feeling I know well. I have been fighting it for so long that it is getting harder and harder to deny.
I am in love with Kiril.
As I think the words to myself, quietly in my thoughts, goosebumps rush over my skin and the air around me becomes charged.
I am in love with Kiril.
I can finally admit it. I finally accept it.
I am still utterly terrified of it, but I know now that it is how I feel.
I just don’t know if I’m ready to tell him yet.
I watch him as he moves around the kitchen and thoughts filter slowly through my mind. I really do want to know everything about him. I don’t want to feel left out. I also don’t want him to feel like he has to hide things from me.
“Kiril, um, with your work—whatever it is you have been planning with your brothers …”
“Yes?” He turns towards me with one brow raised.
“I don’t want you to think that you need to keep things from me. I want to be a part of everything. Your life. Do you understand?”
He walks over to me and places his hands on my legs. Intense heat runs up my inner thighs and I take a careful breath. I don’t want to be distracted right now. I want to talk to him.
“Little rabbit, there are certain things that I don’t think you want to know about me.” He is not looking me in the eyes. I can see that for some reason what he is saying bothers him.
“What do you mean? Why would I not want to know things about you?”
I cup his face in my hands and turn it towards me so that I can make eye contact. I want to see him fully.
“I don’t want you to—I don’t want you to think badly of me, or be scared of me. And I don’t want you to find out things that bother you or cause you to worry.”
