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“I don’t know if it would be a good idea,” Nicholas said with a tight sound to his voice. I looked over at him and realized that he had stress all over his face. I asked him what was going on and he just shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Come lay down with me, please.”
He paused. “Like in the bed with you?”
I agreed, and he coughed like he didn’t understand what I was saying. “It will be fine, Nicholas. I am not going to do anything if that is what you are worried about.” I said it teasingly, but I had a feeling that even though I couldn’t see his face, I could tell that he wasn’t impressed.
“I’m not worried about what you are going to do.”
I guess he thought that I should be afraid of what he was afraid of, but there was no way that was going to happen. Instead of listening to the drama, I pulled him toward me and told him to lie down. “You know, like old times.”
Nicholas groaned inwardly and then out loud. “Do you know how much you used to bother me doing this back then?”
I agreed, but it wasn’t enough. He had a dazzling smile and my heart melted when he laid down beside me. I could feel the heat coming off of him, and I immediately started to scooch over to where he was. I wanted to get closer, but I also wanted the heat that came with it.
I could feel his desires as I pushed back against him, trying to get comfortable. It made Nicholas jerk with the touch, and I couldn’t help how it all worked out. I didn’t mind feeling the need that he had. It was actually a turn on as far as I was concerned. I wanted to deal with how it was all going, but I knew that there was nothing else for me to do.
He kept making these sounds like he was hurt, and I asked him if he was okay. Nicholas said that he was, but he sounded like he was fighting something. I wanted to know if I should move, and he said that I couldn’t. I didn’t know if I believed him or not. He seemed like he was trying to hold it together, so I made sure to complicate his life. He’d complicated mine so long ago.
“Did I really tell you that I’m still a virgin?” I finally asked in the darkness. We had finally settled in together; I wasn’t trying to push up against him anymore. Instead, he was prepared to leave again. I asked him what was wrong when he made a disparaging sound.
“What?”
He scoffed, “Don’t act like you don’t know what you are doing to me, Lara. You may be innocent in some ways, but not in others.”
I didn’t like the way he said it, but it was likely true. I wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay, but I didn’t know if that was true or not. “I'm not trying to mess with you. I'm just cold and you're warm.”
Nicholas looked at me like I was lying, and I was. It wasn't cold at all. Actually, I was burning up because his comforter was so warm. I just wanted to feel him. That's all it was. I didn't know if that was right or wrong, I didn't think that I actually even cared.
When I settled back in against him, he made another groaning sound, and I asked him if he wanted me to go back to my bed. He quickly said that he didn't. There was no hesitation there, so one had to wonder if he liked it. He had said that it was torture, but he was asking for it and when I said something like that, he just told me that being with me now even if it hurt was better than all the time that he was away from me. He was being really sweet. I didn't know what to say to that.
After a time, I must have fallen asleep next to him. I tried my best to stay awake, to keep the conversation going, but his body next to mine was so relaxing, I couldn't help but drift away again. What would I have done without Nicholas? Whatever it was, I was glad that I didn't have to figure that out. It wasn’t the first time that I had wondered what would happen without him. Living without him for a decade, I was now well aware of the cost. I was quickly coming to the conclusion that the cost was just too high.
9
Nicholas
Ilaid there for the longest time, watching Lara sleep. She looked so innocent and serene, so different than when she was awake and questioning everything. Her teasing really messed with my mind. And, of course, she didn't seem to be bothered by it at all.
I tried to get up a couple of times to save myself from being worked up all night, but she wouldn't let me go. As soon as I started to move, her grip would tighten on me, and she would lay on me just a little bit more. If I had to guess, she was still awake, but when I checked, she was still sleeping. Why did that make me smile so much? I liked the idea that even in her sleep she couldn't let me go. I didn't know if that was the truth or just me trying to read into it something more than I should. Either way, I really like the idea of it, and I wanted it to be true.
How long did I lie there? It felt like an eternity, and the only thing that saved me was Lara's brother coming to check on her. They knew that she was in my bedroom, and while Ashton talked about how many times his sister was in love, I don't think he actually wanted to see it happen.
Lara woke up, and she stretched before coming in contact with the hard parts of me and started smiling. She had the most gorgeous expression on her face. I could have sat there and looked at it all day, but then she saw her brother and straightened up. “What?” she asked when he just gave her this look.
“Are you going to tell me what happened?”
“Why are you accusing me like this was my fault? You know what happened. What do you want me to say?” I was surprised she was so mad, but I could see her point. We weren’t trying to blame her though. I knew that I wasn’t.
“I am just worried about you. You haven’t been back home long at all, and someone tried to hurt you. It makes me think that maybe you were safer in Paris.”
Ashton was just saying what I was thinking. She had been back home not even a couple of weeks and already she was in danger. Maybe this wasn’t the place for her. I hated to think of it like that, but I knew that it was a possibility. I just wasn’t ready to say such a thing out loud. I was selfish. I wanted more time with her.
10
Lara
Isighed and told him that he didn’t know what he was talking about. “Paris was just as bad. I mean, I never had someone try to spike my drink, but the men are the same everywhere, I suspect. They are always trying to weasel their way into my pants one way or another.”
