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I gave up on trying to get help with the matter. A week went by in moments and then another. Four months went by before I found Lara. I never quit looking, but it still took an eternity. I would always blame myself for taking so long and for not being able to protect her. I failed her.
I was nervous when I finally got an address. I had spent a lot of my time being angry with people because they wanted to give up the hunt. Now that I knew where she was though, finally had credible information, I was no longer upset. Now, I just needed people to come help me. I needed people that I knew I could trust, and I had always trusted the people in my unit more than anything else.
All we had to do was go in and get her. While we did have to consider that we were in another country and certain rules did and didn’t apply, I didn’t worry so much about it. The idea was to get in and get out quickly, and no one would ever know that we were even there. It didn’t take long to get a team together and get ready to go in.
Three people I knew and a couple that I didn't had agreed to help. Some were doing it because they owed me, and others were doing it because I was willing to pay them some money or some other favor. I was going to get her now, so that nothing else would happen to her and she would finally be safe.
I didn't know what to think about what we were going to find. Part of me worried about my reaction that it wasn't going to matter. I told her brother that I was going to bring her home no matter what. I didn't think too long about the no matter what part. Instead, I hoped that we could work something out. I wanted to believe that I was going to bring her back in one piece, but it had been months. I knew what was likely done to her, what she was turned into. What could happen in months? I hated to even think about it. Likely nothing good.
When it came time to storm the place, I was the first one in. We went into a flop house at about 6:00 o'clock in the morning. The place was full of johns, drug dealers, drug addicts, and hookers. Some of the girls were too young to even be there and almost all of them had a faraway look in their eyes.
Someone had obviously drugged Lara, because when I saw her, she looked right at me and didn’t say anything to me, like she didn’t even knew who I was. I just got this look that she had in her eyes, and I swear it made my insides shake. What was I supposed to say to that? I was truly at a loss.
I went to her immediately, feeling her shoulder and realizing that there was a lot less of her to try to shake straight. She just kind of looked at me or through me and it really did hurt. I had failed her so miserably.
“Lara?” I said it loud enough that she could hear me from a faraway distance. While she was in my arms, part of her was gone. I could see it in her face, and I really hated the looks of it. What had happened to her?
Jason and Caleb, both guys that were in my unit, came in right after me and from the look of shock on their face, they couldn't believe that I had been right. I think a lot of people thought, especially behind my back, that she had wanted to go. That had been a hard thing to hear because I knew it was untrue and even though they could finally see that, I was right, there was no sense of vindication. I would have given anything to be wrong. How badly I wanted to be wrong.
I told them to stop staring and help me. I knew what they saw, it was the exact same thing that I was seeing, but they didn't know her like I did. I knew that even though she looked this way, it wouldn't be long until I would have her back to normal, right as rain.
We called the police and made sure that Lara was out of there before they came, so that she didn't have to be questioned. I wanted to make sure that the cops came to break it up and save all the women. I was flabbergasted at where the end of this journey took me. I thought that being in the military brought me to the dark corners of the earth, but now as we drove away and I stared into Lara’s dead eyes, I wondered if she had seen worse.
There was a lot of talk when we got back on the plane and a lot of pity. People kept looking at me like I was just going to lose it and I could have, but that wasn't really going to happen. Instead, I just took care of Lara. Putting all of my energy into her was what I needed most. She was going to start detoxing soon and the quicker I could get her home and somewhere safe, the better.
Thinking of home reminded me that I still needed to call her brother and sister. They were going to want to know what was going on. I tried my best to inform them as much as possible, but I was still working on it. I had been so wrapped up in finding her and all of the feelings that came with it, that I didn't even call anybody. I was halfway home and I started to feel guilty over it, so when she dozed off for a few minutes I went to make the call. Ashton was interrupted repeatedly by Ashley, and they were both ecstatic that we had finally found her. I think that was a question for a while for all of us. It really did make me go crazy to think of what she had been through, but she was going to be okay now. She was going to be surrounded by love, and I was going to stick by her side no matter how long it took.
What I was going to do to Jean Luc was going to have to wait. For now, I had to heal the woman that I loved. She didn't recognize me at the moment, but she would soon. For a little while she might even hate me, but I knew that it would all be worth it in the end. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself.
14
Lara
Things were a little fuzzy for the next little while. I felt like I was in a daze half the time and when I did get pulled, usually kicking and screaming from my slumber, I immediately wanted to leave reality. Reality hurt; I think I was more uncomfortable than I had ever been in my life. I obviously wanted something; my body was dying for something, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was. I felt horrible. That's all I knew and going back to sleep was the only relief that I got from it. It was a relief that I needed desperately.
The only thing that made the whole situation bearable was the fact that when I woke up, my ex-Jean Luc was a thing of the past and now all I had to look forward to was Nicholas. He was there for me every time I opened my eyes, and it was hard for me to imagine how that was. Of course, then my brain wasn't working well, and it didn't register with me that he was there all the time waiting for me to wake up. He was sleeping next to me.
After a while it wasn't just Nicholas when I would come to. Ashton and Ashley were there as well and bit by bit, I started to feel a little bit better. When after a couple of weeks I finally asked what day it was it seemed like a relief to everyone. Apparently, I'd been in the hospital for a couple of weeks, once again getting over a drug that someone had given me to make me do things that I didn't want to do. The only saving grace was that I didn't remember most of it. Apparently, I required so many drugs to be placid that I didn't remember much of anything. There were a lot of tests ran and talk of trauma, but my brain was saved from dealing with it, and I was thankful for that if nothing else.
I wished that Nicholas hadn't found out what he did. He was the one who found me and even though he hadn't found Jean Luc yet, it was not hard for me to imagine that he was going to find him. I hated to think about what Nicholas was going to do when he did. Maybe I did want to think about that. Maybe I thought about it and smiled.
Once I was up and around and the drugs had left my system and they weren’t worried about me dying anymore, I was able to get up and get around. I was astonished by how weak my body was, but after being in bed for several weeks, it made sense. What didn't make sense was how worried I was that Jean Luc would come back. Nicholas promised that he wouldn't, but it wasn’t like he was able to stop him the first time. When I had mistakenly said something like that in front of Nicholas, he reminded me that he didn't know that Jean Luc existed. If he had, he would have been on a higher alert. I didn't know if that would have done any good. I liked the idea of him as a protector though. It helped to ease my mind.
The twins were almost unbearable they were so nice. Obviously at some point, they thought I was going to die or something because there was just sugar pouring out of them now. It was uncomfortable if I was completely honest. Maybe that wasn't it. Maybe they were just trying to be there for me. I tried to reciprocate the kindness, at least in a shallow sense that I was able to.
Going back to their place after the hospital was such a relief. The hospital was so clinical and perfect. It was nice to be back in what felt as close as it ever would to my home. I liked it even more that Nicholas was still staying with them, right next door if I needed him. I almost asked to stay with him in his bedroom, but I knew that it would cause more trouble. I wasn't trying to cause trouble.
I didn't make it a whole night alone. About midway through it, I had this horrible dream. It was a bad one, I woke up trembling and screaming, and I couldn't for the life of me tell if it was real or not. It wasn't the first time that I had had such a mind-altering dream. The more I learned about where I'd been and what I'd been doing, the less I wanted to know. Some of these dreams I'd been having made me uncomfortably aware of the fact that they were not dreams but memories. Memories that felt like they were going to haunt me for a lifetime.
When I asked Nicholas what it was like when he found me, he just looked off into the distance and kind of shook his head. “You don’t want to know, Lara.”
For a long time, I just took that as an answer. It bothered me because I did want to know, but I felt like he was protecting me from something. About a month after the incident, a couple weeks after I got out of the hospital, I had him tell me exactly what had happened and what he had seen and found when he got there. Nicholas told me everything, or at least he said he did, and honestly if there was much more than what he said, I didn't want to hear it. I didn't think that I could handle it. I thanked him for his honesty and hoped that we never had to talk about it again.
There was a distance between us, the easy teasing was gone. Nicholas looked at me differently. Maybe he saw me as tainted or someone that was no longer a viable option for him. He certainly didn't look at me with the lust-filled eyes like he used to. That was sad too because I really liked his looks.
Instead, he was dealing with me like I was china that was going to break at any moment. I wasn't feeling weak, and I didn't want to be treated like that. There was a lot that I didn't want to happen that kept happening. The nightmares were unbelievably horrible, and I realized quickly that the only time I didn't have them was when I was lying next to Nicholas in the bed.
Sharing a bed with Nicholas was problematic because he simply had a presence that made me feel some kind of way. I could hide my feelings good enough when there was a little bit of space between us, but when he was right next to me, there was nothing I could do but want him. I knew it was wrong, I knew it was going to lead to more problems than I was able to handle, but I didn't care. That's how much I wanted him.
