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“This is just something that we both need to do so that we can move on. Your brother is right, it's time for us to get married.”
Lara looked at me like I had lost my mind. It wasn't like I hadn't thought of it. I just hadn't expected it to work it out like I did. Now what? The words had tumbled out and now I had to say something. Anything.
I finally came out with where we were going and that look of desire was gone. Her face broke and I pressed my lips together.
“Okay, Nicholas, let’s go take care of this business with Jean Luc then.”
She didn’t want to go, but neither did I. Dealing with him had to be done, was waiting for us to get involved, but I worried how it was all going to affect Lara. I wanted her to move past it, like going there and doing what came next was going to force the healing. Was it really all about me and what I needed to happen? Was I the one that couldn’t go on without punishment?
We were on the plane and Lara was fidgeting everywhere. I asked her if she was okay, and she could barely look at me and said she was fine. She wasn't good, she wasn't great, she was fine. Any man knew that was code for nothing is fine and never will be fine again. I tried to get her to talk about what was going on in her head, but when she answered, it wasn't anything that I thought it would be. I thought that her mind would be full of the man who had done so many horrible things to her but no, she was thinking about the woman that had taken her design and put her own name on it. She had several instances of Crystal taking advantage of her, and she had been too nice to stop it. I think that after everything that had happened to her, Lara didn't want to be the nice guy anymore. I couldn't blame her. I tried to think about it in a better way, but it really wasn't possible. We just had to get through it, and then I think both of us could finally move on.
“Do you need something from me?”
She scoffed like it was hopeless, “If you could get me a deal with a reputable brand that would be good.” I think she was trying to tell me without telling me that I couldn't fix everything. I knew that, of course, but it didn't mean that I didn't want to. Anything that made her upset was something that I wanted to change.
“I'm sorry that I can't do that sort of thing. You know if I could, I would,” I told her.
Lara said that she believed that I would do anything to help her. She meant it too and that made me feel good. “That is one of the reasons that I could never imagine being with anybody else the way that we were together. I've always known that you had my back, even after all this time. That makes a big difference when you can fly and not worry about falling on your face. You’ve aways been that for me, Nicholas.”
I smiled at her. Damned if I didn't like that answer. “I am always here to catch you, Lara.”
She grinned at me and said that she knew I was. I felt so close to her in that moment, and I wanted to see what we could do to be closer. I saw someone going to the back of the plane and it made me wonder. “You want to meet me in the bathroom?”
Lara hissed at the suggestion and hit my shoulder. She was sure that I was joking, but I wasn’t. I couldn’t say why I was feeling the need to touch her so badly, but there was something about it all that I didn’t understand. She had pushed the issue between us and now I was just as bad as her. This was the worst time to get a craving for her, but I couldn’t help it. I just had to have her. Right now.
The bathroom in the airplane was one of the smallest that I’d ever been in and when another person was added to the mix, we could barely turn around. I wanted there to be a way that we could be together, and I was ready to give up, when Lara suggested that I just pick her up and slide in that way. “I wore a skirt just in case this happened,” Lara told me. I wouldn’t doubt it, she really did think ahead, but it wasn’t going to do any good if I couldn’t get her to stop making all those sounds. It was amazing, the way she sounded when she was turned on, and I was sure that everyone on the plane was going to hear us. Was it illegal? That’s what Lara wanted to know, and I had no idea. I did things with Lara that I never would have tried before, never thinking once about the consequences.
It was fast, but our love making was effective. I was feeling damn good, and I never wanted it to end. There was someone at the door, knocking and telling us to get out. I hollered back that it was going to be a moment. That was aggravating to be interrupted, but it was nice to leave us both tantalizing for more. I think that I wasn’t the only one that really wanted all of the need and desire to compound just a little bit more. We went back to our seats with people giving us dirty looks and I was okay with that. It felt like it was worth it to me.
Lara didn’t like all of the attention and she practically hid in my jacket most of the way there. She even fell asleep against my chest, and it was one of the best feelings in the world. I was sure that she was going to wake up before we got there, but she slept the whole way, and I was able to just bask in the glory of it.
We hadn’t talked about what was going to happen when we got to Paris. I had been once or twice, but never stayed long enough to go see anything. It would be nice to have just a getaway where we could have a good time and then I could ask her properly about marrying me and all of that. I had floated the idea, figured it was going to happen, but Lara was clear that she wanted me to ask properly and that I shouldn’t expect a “yes” just because I thought I was going to get one.
I was a bit worried when she said that, but I guess it didn’t matter. I was just going to keep asking her until she had an answer for me that I wanted to hear. I was sure that Lara was going to make me beg a few times, but I didn’t mind. It sounded like it could be some fun. I always looked forward to a challenge, and Lara was sure the hell worth it.
18
Lara
Paris felt different now. It wasn’t the bright sparkling place that I experienced when I first moved to the country. When I first came to Paris everything was beautiful, perfect, and I wanted to live here for the rest of my life. But now when I looked around this place, there was no way that I ever wanted to live here again.
I swear the first thing that I noticed when I got off the plane was the smell of Paris. Had it always smelled like this, and I just ignored it before? That seemed like something I would do. The first couple of years I was in Paris were horrible, and I just smiled my way through it and pretended like everything was going to be fine. Come to find out, it wasn't going to be okay.
The sad thing was that I still had the same dreams that brought me here to begin with. I still had the dream that I wanted my name on dresses, and I wanted people to wear my designs. I wanted them to know my name. I didn't know why it meant so much to me, but it always had. I always felt like I was made to be a clothing designer. I wanted to make people beautiful. Leaving Paris had been one of the biggest defeats of my life, and I couldn't say that it felt very good. Coming back, it felt like just as much a defeat as when I left.
Then there was all the stress that I had about Jean Luc and everything that had happened. He was there in Paris, Nicholas said that he knew where to find him, and I was still trying to figure out how that was going to go down. What was going to come? We hadn’t talked about it. I didn't know what Nicholas was thinking, but I wanted it to be something that took Jean Luc out of my life for good. I knew that for certain.
Nicholas pulled me a little closer as we were landing and asked me if I was alright.
“Yeah, why?”
“You look like you are ready to run off at any moment. Are you sure that you're alright? You know that nobody is going to get you here, right? I won't let anybody ever put their hands on you again,” Nicholas assured me.
What could I say to that? I didn't believe that I was ever going to be safe. I could feel safe, but I had learned that just a few moments and a little bit could change everything. I didn't think Nicholas would ever let something happen to me if he had a choice, but what if he didn't have a choice? That was a bit more realistic now.
“So where are we going?” I asked, not wanting him to know how I felt about any of it.
“I don't know, what do you want to do first? We can go take care of the whole situation with Jean Luc, or we can do something else. This can be a vacation, this can be a short trip, whatever you want it to be. There was a reason that I didn't get return tickets just yet. I figured that we would get here and see how it went first.”
