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He gives me a sheepish smile. “We’re going to have to burn it.”
With a nod, I dump everything into the garbage can. “It can be burned in the morning. Why don’t you get yourself cleaned up and then we can go back to bed.”
Jovan gives me a quick kiss. “I won’t be long.”
As he showers, I clean the blood off my hands before backtracking to the front door and cleaning up the blood he left behind. By the time I finish cleaning, Jovan is leaning back against the pillows, his bare chest making my mouth water.
“You’re looking at me like I’m a piece of meat,” he says, amusement in his tone as he lifts the blanket and motions for me to get in.
I’m grinning as I get into bed beside him and lean into his embrace. Jovan smells like his musky soap as I put my head on his shoulder.
“Do you ever think that we have no business raising a baby?” I ask, my voice wavering slightly. “I don’t think that I’m ready at all.”
“I don’t think that anybody is ever ready to have a baby. Not even when they’re on their second or third baby. I don’t think there is any way to get ready for a human who is going to spend their day shitting and vomiting on you.”
As I laugh, some of the tension leaves my body. Jovan always seems to know what to say to make me feel better. It’s as if nothing can get under his skin.
“I’m scared.”
He kisses my temple. “I am too. We would be stupid not to be.”
“Are you worried about the baby being near the cartel? I’m terrified of that. You seem to be a lot calmer than I am about it.”
“I’m not calm about it at all.” His arm tightens around me as my heart starts to race. “I know about all the risks that could come from us having a child. I’m not stupid enough to think that everything is going to be fine. But I do know that you and the baby are safer with me than you are without me.”
I sigh and nestle closer into his side. “How can you keep us safe from everything?”
“I can’t.”
It’s that simple admission that makes me think we’re going to be able to do this together. He isn’t as unphased and calm about everything as I think he is. No, he’s just as scared as I am.
There is comfort in knowing that.
“You’re going to be a great mother, Hadley. I know that getting pregnant wasn’t something either of us planned for, but I can’t tell you how excited I am that someday soon we’re going to have a baby of our own.”
“I can’t wait either.”
He grins and holds me closer, his hand drifting up and down my side.
It’s the normalcy of the moment as we talk about our futures that has me thinking everything is going to be okay between us.
One way or another, we’re going to make everything work.
22
JOVAN
Hadley sings along with the music softly playing in the background as she crouches over what will be the crib. There are a dozen different pieces scattered around the beige area rug in front of her. Her eyebrows are pulled together as she stares down at the instructions.
“How’s it going over there?” I ask as I put the last bolt in the rocking chair and tighten it. “You look like you’re ready to throw everything away.”
“I should have just kept the furniture that you bought,” she says, looking up at me. The corner of her mouth tips upward and she winks before turning back to the instructions.
“I like the things you picked out better. It matches more. I picked too many things that clashed with each other. I have no taste.”
At that, Hadley cracks up, her eyes sparkling as she shakes her head. “You’re so full of shit. I picked out all of that stuff too. You just ordered it.”
I grin. “Well, I’ve got this together. Do you want me to help or do you want me to build the changing table?”
