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“I can handle this.” Hadley flips the instructions upside down. “Maybe.”
As I look at her, I can see the future with her. I can see us with more children. Our children grown up and their children playing around our feet. One day, I could see us retired and living on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, leaving everything about the past behind us.
With her, I see forever starting to play itself out in front of me.
“Come on,” I say, standing up and stretching instead of opening the changing table box. “Let’s go take a break and then we can finish the rest of this damn furniture.”
I hold out my hand to her and she takes it. Her hand is soft against mine as I pull her to her feet. She smiles as her fingers twine with mine and I lead her out into the backyard.
“What do you think about building a treehouse?” I ask, nodding to one of the big trees in the far corner of the yard.
“I think that we need to build a fence around the pool first. I don’t want to risk the baby falling in. And as soon as they’re old enough, I want the baby in swimming lessons.”
I grin and drop her hand to sit on one of the loungers. I pat the space between my legs and she obliges, sitting down and leaning back into my chest. I kiss her shoulder, the sun beating down from above.
It’s a beautiful day and I’m sitting in my backyard with a woman who made my entire world mean something more.
“I love you,” I say as I drop another kiss to her shoulder. “I love you, and it terrifies me and excites me at the same time. You came into my life and it changed everything for me. Which terrifies me. I don’t want to lose you the way I lost the rest of my family.”
Hadley turns in my arms and straddles my lap. She cups my face with her hands, her fingers drifting across my cheeks. I smile up at her, though my heart is racing in my chest.
“I love you too,” she says, her voice barely more than a whisper. “And I’m scared as hell about what that means for our lives.”
I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, my smile stretching across my face. “Well, at least that means that we’re in this together. We’re going to have to talk about what that means for the rest of our lives, though, because I don’t want anyone else. I’m going to marry you one day, when all this shit is over, and I have time to give you the wedding and the honeymoon of your dreams.”
“You didn’t even ask if I wanted to marry you.” Hadley laughs and kisses me, our mouths moving softly and slowly as we try to prolong the moment for as long as possible. “I love you so damn much. I didn’t know it was possible to fall for someone this hard.”
“Hadley, when I ask you, I’m going to ask you properly. Right now, I’m just letting you know that I don’t plan on spending another day without you in my life. Especially one where you don’t know what you mean to me.”
The sun is starting to set as she gives me the smile that makes time seem to stop. Her eyes shine in the dimming light. All that I want out of life is right here in my arms.
“Sometimes, I feel like all this is going to slip away from me,” I say as I pull her a little closer to me. Her hands glide over my shoulders, her touch making me feel like my nerves have been set on fire.
“I’m not going anywhere. You told me that you’re in love with me. That means you’re stuck with me now. Nothing you’re going to be able to do about it.” She smooths a finger over a wrinkle on my forehead. “What’s got you worried?”
“I wasn’t able to protect my parents and my sister. I let myself relax for a moment too long and then they were all taken from me. Sometimes, I think about going back in time and changing everything I did then.”
“I know what you mean, and yet I still think we were right the last time we talked about that. If you went back and changed everything, you would be missing out on a lot of what happened.” She pushes some of my hair back from my face. “I think that everything in life happens for a reason, even if we don’t know what that reason is until many years down the road.”
“I don’t know if there is a reason for a loss like that.” I sigh and lean my head against her shoulder. “I don’t know how I’m going to keep you and the baby safe when I couldn’t even keep my family safe over a decade ago. Felix has had eleven years to think about what he is going to do to fuck up my family.”
“You’re not in this alone, Jovan. We’re a team. You’re going to teach me to fight and shoot better. I’m going to be able to defend myself. I don’t need you to save me. I need you to allow me to be your partner.”
“And what if I can’t do that?” I look up at her and the world around us seems to fade into the background. My pulse pounds in my veins as my stomach lurches. “Sometimes I think that locking you up would be the best option for keeping you safe.”
“I would find a way out.” She kisses me softly again. “I love you. Let me help you. Let me past all the walls that you throw up to keep yourself safe. I want to help you protect our family. Neither of us has to be on our own anymore.”
The thought of anything happening to her or our baby makes me feel sick. I want to refuse her but I know Hadley is the kind to keep pushing and fighting. It’s what drew me to her in the first place and it’s what made me fall head over heels for her.
She has a fire inside her that burns bright enough to eclipse the sun and warm the coldest of hearts.
After all, she did warm mine.
“Together, then,” I say as I run my hands up and down her waist. “But if at any point you decide that you want to walk away from it all, I’m not going to stop you.”
“Why would you say that?” Hadley asks.
“Because I love you too much to ever force you to stay. I know you have your reservations about raising our baby in the cartel and I have my own. If you have to leave, then I won’t hold you back. All I want for you is to be happy and safe.”
