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I pull open drawers and pull out clothing, tossing them into the open suitcase on the floor. As I pack, I try my hardest to hold back tears. I’m not going to cry over this. I’m going to make sure that we both walk away feeling as good as we can about the situation.
“Hadley, what are you doing?” Jovan asks, his voice broken as he appears in the doorway to the closet. “I told you that I was going to take care of everything. You don’t have to leave.”
I shake my head and bite my lip. “Jovan, you said that you weren’t going to hold me back if I needed to go. I want you to know that this isn’t because I don’t love you. I do, so much, and you are doing a fantastic job protecting us. I just need some space.”
He sighs and his eyes shine as he looks at me. “This was one bad night, Hadley. Not every night is going to be like this. If you stay, we can get everything figured out. I promise we can. I’ll kill Felix tomorrow, if that’s what it takes.”
“It doesn’t matter if you kill him tomorrow when you don’t know how deep the disloyalty runs.” I give him a sad smile as I shove another armful of clothing into the suitcase. “We both know that you still have a lot of digging to do. It’s going to be easier with me out of the way.”
“Is that really what you think?” He steps into the closet, his arms hovering at his sides like he doesn’t know what to do with them. “Do you really think that I can focus while you’re off running around somewhere?”
“It’s not going to be somewhere. I sent Kennedy a message. I’m going to be staying with her and Rio. You can send whoever else you want to watch over me too. I don’t want to make this any harder than it needs to be, Jovan.”
He nods even though it looks like it kills him. “So, that’s it, then. You’re abandoning your family for your own needs. Just like your parents. You keep people at a distance so they can’t hurt you. The entire time we’ve been together, you’ve been looking for a reason to run away.”
“That’s not true!”
“It is true. I should have known when I found out that you were the one who set fire to your childhood home.” Jovan scoffs and steps out of the closet, crossing his arms. “You really are just like your parents. They would have done anything to erase their past as well. Hell, they didn’t give a shit if they had a future. You don’t seem to either.”
It feels like all the air has been knocked from my lungs.
Breathing feels like it is impossible as I kneel on the ground to zip up the suitcase.
Even though I know he is just saying those things because he’s hurt, it still cuts deep.
“How did you find out about my family home?” I ask, my voice wavering slightly. “Nobody was supposed to know about that.”
“You’ve burned every bridge you ever built, Hadley. Did you really think that Carlos was going to keep your little secret after everything that you’ve said to him over the years?”
My vision blurs as I look at Jovan. “I don’t know who you are, but I want you to know that I still love you. The baby is still going to be a part of your life and I hope that someday I can be too.”
His eyes narrow. “Go, Hadley. I told you that I wouldn’t stop you if you thought that it was for the best.”
“I’ll talk to you in a few days.”
I pick up my suitcase and head for the front door. With each step, I feel like I’m making the biggest mistake of my life but I can’t turn back now. I’ve said what I needed to say and I made the decision to leave.
The only thing that makes me strong enough to keep one foot moving in front of the other is the knowledge that once it’s safe again, I’ll come back to him.
Although, I don’t know how I can be with him if he is going to throw my parents in my face when we disagree. Though I love him, there are some things I can’t overlook.
But is there really a way to be with him when we are both so damaged? When we both have ghosts that haunt us day in and day out?
24
JOVAN
I’m sorry I’m such an asshole.
I never should have thrown your parents in your face like that.
I should have told you the moment I found out you started the fire.
I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.
Out of the million things I could say to Hadley about what happened between us last night, those are the thoughts that keep circling around. I need to apologize to her. I need to make things right between us, even though it will still mean having her out of my life for a little while.
I had told her that I wasn't going to stop her and then I made it hell on her to leave.
