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I think that there is far more going on beneath the surface than he is ever going to tell me.
What I need to do now is face the future. This is never going to be a normal marriage. It’s clear that he doesn’t want it to be either.
We are going to remain distant. Maybe friends if I’m lucky.
The thought of spending my life with someone who doesn’t love me, who hurts me because they think I need a wakeup call, is horrifying.
Even the tender parts of Christian don’t make up for the darker parts.
I’m going to have to learn how to live with both of them. Camila made that clear.
There is no choice in his life. Just the things that he has to do and the things that he cannot escape.
I don’t need to be one more person adding stress to his life. I don’t need to make it harder.
Maybe, if I’m the one person showing him kindness despite what he is, the monster that lurks beneath the surface will start to fade.
At this point, I’m willing to try anything to make my life easier in the cartel. Even if that means pretending to move on from what happened last night.
“I do understand that.” His voice is hollow. “You have a show tonight at the bar, don’t you?”
“I’m allowed to go?” Hope fills my voice.
Performing is exactly what I need to distract myself tonight.
Stepping on that stage is the one thing that makes me feel complete. Everything else will fade away, and all I have to focus on is the music.
He nods. “Of course. Music is your career. Things might be rough right now, but I’m not going to keep you from that.”
My heart plummets to my stomach.
Once again, I don’t know what to think of the confusing man in front of me.
One moment, he is cutting up a body, and the next, he is supporting my dreams.
I put on my best fake smile.
This isn’t the life I want for myself, even if it is the one I’m stuck with, so I need to make the most of it.
“Thank you. I think I might try to take a nap before I head to the bar tonight, then. Hopefully, I’ll be able to get some sleep.”
Christian nods as I get up. “Is there anything you want to do after your show?”
A million different things race through my mind.
I want to swim in the ocean. Ride a roller coaster until I can’t think. I want to scream about what’s happening in my life until my lungs give out. Curl in a ball and cry until I have no tears left.
Fall hopelessly in love.
Most of all, I want to bury the feelings I have for Christian as deep as I can.
“Can we go dancing?” I know that there is no way he will let me do that.
There are too many opportunities for things to go wrong. After all, the last time I went dancing was the night I got kidnapped.
Christian considers it for a moment. “Sure. Pick whatever club you want, and we can go dancing after.”
He gets up and leaves the room.
