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If she has worries about this life, then I want to erase them.
I look around the party, watching my people smiling and laughing.
Children race between the adults, laughing and shouting at each other as they head for the waiting food trucks.
One day, it could be our child racing through the crowds.
The second the thought comes to my head, terror grips my chest.
I don’t know that we’re going to have kids in the future. I don’t know that Zoe is going to come around to the cartel life. While I’m sure that she can put on a good show, it’s not an easy life.
Part of me wants to tell her everything I’ve been through. I want to tell her the things that I’ve had to do in this life to survive and how it still shakes me to my core.
If I tell her the darkest parts of my life, there is still a chance that she’s going to close herself off to me.
Hell, if I told her everything that I’ve done, and I was in her position, I would find a way to leave me, and I would never look back.
The fact that she’s still standing here after everything she’s seen is enough to give me a small shred of hope.
I know it’s foolish to think that the little bit of hope is enough to get us through this massive hurdle, but I have to believe.
“What do you need from me?” I ask, my chest constricting as I look down at her.
If I could go back in time and erase the last couple minutes of our lives, I would.
“Time to think. The space to consider what is going on in our lives. I need to figure out if there is a way to love both halves of you at the same time. Trying to figure that out all in a short amount of time is making me feel sick.”
Her arms wrap around herself as if she is hugging herself. Or stopping from falling apart.
The pain inside my chest intensifies at how powerless I am to help her.
For being the cause of her hurt.
She sighs. “I don’t know what to do about any of this. I need to know what keeping your massive mountain of secrets is going to look like when I finally start performing around the world. So, right now, I need time and I need space, Christian. Please.”
It feels like she’s rammed a knife through my gut and twisted it.
I inhale a jagged breath, looking around to make sure that nobody is listening to us. I don’t want to have to scold her in public for the way she is talking to me right now. Not when she is clearly panicking, and there is nothing I can do to fix it.
I couldn't be more thankful that the people around us are all involved in their own lives.
A new song starts to play, the music pounding through the speakers. Strobe lights circle, shining off the shipping containers spread throughout the trainyard.
“I’ll give you all the time and space you need,” I say, my voice soft. “This is a lot. I know that it’s a lot. Everything is going to be fine. We’re going to figure it out when you’re ready to figure it out.”
Unable to hold back anymore, I pull her back into my arms. “It’s not a conversation that we need to have right now. I’m sorry that I tried to push you too soon, but we’re going to have to talk about this eventually.”
Zoe melts into me as if the fight has gone out of her.
Her body moves against mine as she lets the last few minutes fade away and blend into the music. Her hands raise to my shoulders, her fingertips brushing against my neck.
I run my hands up and down her waist, my cock stiffening because every touch from her awakens every primal instinct within me.
She smirks as she presses her body closer to mine, making my cock throb while my hands skim along the sides of her breasts.
This is what we’re good at. This back and forth. Our physical attraction to each other seems like the only thing that’s simple between us.
When we’re together, it’s like nothing in the world can touch us.
