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I move my hand and stare at Marlak in front of me, glad to be away from that agonizing scene, glad to be away from his mind, and yet surprised he felt so much.
His eyes are wide. “I didn’t expect it to be so…” He blinks. “Vivid.”
What I remember the most was his pain. His regret. “You loved her.”
He looks down, his forehead creased in thought. “At some point, I thought I did. But I had to leave her. Our goals were different.”
“Why did you want me to see this?”
“To make up for yesterday. And to assure you that I don’t have anything to do with her anymore, despite what you’ll hear. And you might hear a lot of stories.” He swallows. “Her mother hasn’t given up on an alliance. I need her to know that it’s over.”
“Is that why you married me?”
He laughs. “No. It was mostly to prevent you from marrying my brother. Letting the Spider Queen know her daughter has no more chance is just a bonus.”
“I see.” I try to keep walking, but I’m dizzy.
That scene can’t get out of my head. All I feel is his pain, a pain that spreads through my chest.
Did he think I was jealous? It’s confusing. I know he saw my past with Rowe, but I don’t think I wanted to see this. But if it’s true, at least I know it’s indeed over. If it’s true.
I turn to him. “How do I know that vision wasn’t an illusion?”
He shrugs. “You’ll have to trust me. First, I can’t create illusions. Second, even if I could, I don’t think I could have concocted something like that, with that much detail, that much feeling, then send to you as a thought. That said, I didn’t know it would be so realistic. I didn’t know it would feel as if I was there again. I’m sorry. It was horrible.”
It was. “I thought you had left her to protect her. Because you loved her too much.”
He raises a shoulder. “What else would I tell anyone? What else would she say?”
His explanation makes sense, but only in part.
I remember something then, after we visited the Nymph Queen. I remember his words as if he had said them a moment ago. “But you told me that you can’t get married because it’s too dangerous. That anyone who’s attached to you will have a target on their forehead.” Why do I remember it so clearly? Maybe because of an annoying detail. “Not me, of course. You don’t care if I’m a big target.”
“You know I care. You also know I had no choice. So it’s different.”
“I see.”
And I can’t stop seeing, can’t stop that vision, can’t forget that feeling that there was a rope around my heart. Marlak’s heart. So he can love. Why does it bother me? I don’t want to think about the answer.
He exhales. “At least you won’t think I have a secret affair with Crisine. I hope it helps.”
Helps with what? But I don’t want to ask. And then again, he showed me some of his past to make up for his blunder, hoping I would see his heart, hoping I wouldn’t believe in rumors. I decide I should offer at least some appreciation.
“Thanks for the honesty. And—” I shouldn’t say this, but I don’t agree with her words. “I don’t think you’re disfigured.”
Marlak has a warm chuckle. “Oh, no. Just half roasted. I do appreciate the honesty from the start, though.”
He doesn’t sound upset, and I don’t want to elaborate and tell him he’s stunning. After all, he keeps repeating that I’m unattractive. I guess I did enough, and in truth, it changed his mood.
He stops, and says, “We’re getting there. Pretend you don’t know Ferer. Try to pretend you like me. I know the Spider Court won’t be happy with it, but it’s not the biggest danger hanging over you.” He raises an eyebrow. “Unless you have your own plans.”
“What plans could I have?”
“No idea.”
19
Marlak and I walk silently through the thinning forest, and I can see signs of human—or rather, fae—intervention here and there. A few chopped trees, some carvings, an old broken trap. He often stops to listen, and I sure hope he has at least some fae hearing because I can’t hear anything other than the wind caressing the leaves above us.
