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Ziven snorts. “What do you think?”
It’s a lie, then. An act. “I think you’re under the impression that you need to pretend to be powerless to survive.”
“My impression. Right, it must be my imagination.”
“You don’t know. And King Leonius is fair.”
Ziven bursts out laughing. “Honorable protector of the realm. Of course.”
I’m not going to argue with him about our king. “I understand. You’re trying to survive, so you need to hide who you are.” That sounds familiar, eerily familiar, but it’s different because I truly need to hide my nature, and at least I’m trying to do something.
He raises his shoulders. “The fact that I’m sitting here is proof that it’s been working.”
“Don’t you want more, though, more than just surviving?”
He twists his lips in a half smile, half grimace. “Who doesn’t want more? And yet how many of us manage to achieve it?”
“Everyone who loves manages to do more than just survive.” It’s true. I believe that love can take us higher, even if I have my problems with romantic love. I’m not sure how the subject veered in that direction.
“Those are beautiful words, but my heart’s unfortunately too bitter for that.”
That’s weird. The look he gave me when he entered the carriage, before he realized it was me, was quite powerful. “I thought you liked Sayanne.”
His lips form a line. “Perhaps I’m a fickle drunk.”
That doesn’t make any sense. “Two days ago, you were looking forward to traveling with her. You risked your life to spend time with her.”
He pauses, then says, “Have you ever…” He chuckles. “Felt like someone understood you? Felt a connection?”
With Marlak, tonight.
Wrong answer, Astra. That was a stupid dream. And I’m obviously never going to confess it even to my shadow. “With Tarlia and Sayanne. Sometimes.” Have they ever understood me? Tarlia, maybe.
He looks down, his eyelashes covering his eyes like curtains, and inhales. “That vulnerability, openness, it’s rare.” He stares at me. “Except none of it was real.” His voice is harsh with anger, contempt. “What she told me about you, it wasn’t true.”
“What did she say?”
“Oh, that you two humiliate her, mistreat her. It’s not that she complained, more that she related her quiet steadfastness in face of horrors.” He rolls his eyes. “The thing with deceit is that in reality, we see it. We have that feeling that something is off, and yet choose to close our eyes, choose to ignore that voice warning us.”
His words stir something in my chest. I’m not sure why. But I’m not going to turn against my sister because of someone I barely know. “Maybe you’re trying to smear her.”
His hazel eyes are kind but sad. “Feel free to ignore my words, Astra. In time, everyone reveals who they are, and you’re right that you shouldn’t base your judgment of your friends on other people’s opinions. Trust your heart.”
“My heart’s crazy.” I don’t know why I let that truth slip.
He shakes his head. “Whose heart isn’t?”
We laugh and exchange a look. At that moment, I realize I can count on him as a friend. But it also feels like I’m betraying Sayanne—again.
“I’d better go,” he says, “I’ll stop by if I have news about the attack. We’ll figure it out.”
I smile. “Thanks.”
He gets up, steps out the window and leaves the room. I look outside to see what path he takes, but I don’t see him walking on the ledge, and assume he must have climbed down right from beneath my window. Not the easiest place to do that. Then again, maybe he’s extremely good at climbing. Extremely good at everything. And yet pretending he’s useless.
I get dressed quickly, even though it’s still so early. I might not be allowed to check Tiurian dictionaries or language guides, but I can look at maps.
I’ll figure out what this Pit of Death is, and what Marlak wants. Who knows? Perhaps predicting the disgraced fae prince’s moves could save lives.
