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“It is now. Are you going to help me or hinder me? I can tell them what you’re trying to do.”
“Go.” He still chuckles. “Go then. Marry the freak. You know what’s going to happen? You won’t have color for your hair and they’ll find out what you are. Do you know what the fae does to your kind?”
Oh, he wants to play this game? I can play it, too. “Then they’ll find out you’ve been harboring me, lying about me. I won’t go down alone. Unless you help me. Give me hair coloring. Let me do my duty to the kingdom.”
He closes his eyes. “Astra. This is not what I wanted for you. You were meant for so much more.”
“More what? Because I never heard anything.” I never even heard any compliment, not that it matters now.
Otavio sighs. “Fine, then. I’ll give you hair coloring and other supplies. Whatever happens, don’t let him get you pregnant. Find his secrets, as many as you can. Find where he keeps his crown, and how to get it back to King Renel.” He stops, eyes distant. “Yes, the crown could be our key.” He turns to me again. “You’re right that this might work out in our favor, since you insist so much. When he hurts you, remember it was your choice, Astra. Remember you shunned your escape.”
I don’t want to think about Marlak hurting me, about what he wants to do. And yet I don’t want to be a traitor. “Escaping is dishonorable.”
“Honor is a lie! It’s a lie to make people stupid and submissive. It’s a lie to manipulate those who get nothing for their loyalty.”
I don’t know what to say. I’ve worked so hard to have honor, to show that I could be more than I was born to be. But then, Otavio’s upset. Words lose their meaning when we’re like that.
I’m worried and upset too. How can I even judge him?
“Thank you,” I say. “For trying to save me.” It’s true, I appreciate his effort. “But you trained me well, and I think I can save myself.”
“You can still escape, Astra.”
His voice is soft now, and it could be so tempting to trust him. To run.
And yet he has some strange plan that I know nothing of, he speaks of murder as if it were something normal, he treats us as if we were animals to be trained and mated. I don’t fully trust him, and I don’t want to depend on him to keep me safe while defying a royal command, while shunning everything I’ve trained for. It’s too risky.
Marrying Marlak is worse than dreadful, but I won’t be betraying anyone. I’ll still be fulfilling my duty. Why is Otavio putting the burden on me for making the only sensible choice?
“You know I can’t.”
He sighs. “Perhaps you’re right.” His shoulders are hunched, his posture defeated. Perhaps I’ve judged him wrong, and he does care about me.
We return to his study, where he prepares a small bag with beauty supplies, mostly hair coloring and some small bottles with poisons, gives it to me, then leads me upstairs.
When I get to my room, there’s a small suitcase on the bed. Andrezza is standing in a corner, and gives me a forced smile. “You’re getting new clothes, Astra. They said your dresses should befit your station. But you can gather small personal items, except books.”
Almost nothing, then. But I do take some things from my vanity table, then sit on the bed and discreetly grab the pouch with the silver ducks. I put them all in the bag with the beauty supplies.
A maid comes in, carrying a simple dress in thin, red wool. “For your wedding, my lady.”
It’s a peasant’s dress. Why are they making me wear that to marry a prince?
Andrezza turns to the others. “Leave. I’ll help her get ready.”
I remove my practice dress with the pockets for daggers, and then put on that red thing. It’s so easy to tie that I don’t even need any help. “Why red?”
“I think it’s a fae color for weddings. I…” She looks down. “Apparently, Marlak thinks you’re a maid who was accompanying Prince Ziven, so they think you should wear a maid’s clothes, to make it more believable. In the same way you’d take elaborate, rich clothes if you were pretending to be?—”
“I understand.” Really, the clothes don’t even matter that much. I smile at her. “It makes sense.”
She nods. “And the kingdom is providing no dowry, so you’re not taking anything valuable. I guess that also explains the dresses.”
“I’m glad I’m not going naked.” I manage a laugh. No. What odd sound was that?
Andrezza smiles and yet it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Don’t worry. Your husband will provide for you.”
Husband. Right. As if he wasn’t a fugitive, disgraced prince. As if he wasn’t the maniac who torched his family and burned Lord Stratson’s manor. As if he wasn’t the villain who kidnapped me.
