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“That's not what I mean,” Jenna responds quickly, eliciting laughter from me at her immediate rejection of the idea. She rolls her eyes, catching on to what I just did.
“Perhaps I’m biased because he’s my brother,” Alessia pipes up. “I think you should talk to Enzo about what you are feeling. You know, try communicating with him some more. I know it’s going to be difficult for you considering your lack of commitment and his overall annoying self, but you don’t have to let it stop you.”
“I know it’s quite scarring to watch your parents at such a young age do things that could be quite damaging to your young mind. I see how it affects you, but I think you owe it to yourself to be better. Not every relationship happens in the same way. I don’t believe yours will either,” Louise says.
“Yes, Kelly, you need to stop thinking like you are going to end up like your parents. They made their choice because they felt was the only option available to them or it was the best they could think of. One thing is certain, though. You aren’t your parents. You are a strong, independent woman, capable of making good decisions and living a better life than they did. But to do so, you need to let go of the fear in your heart,” Jenna adds.
“Just because you don’t want to end up losing yourself, it doesn’t mean you have to keep yourself from truly experiencing life because some things in life can only be truly experienced when you allow yourself to settle down and experience them,” Rachel explains.
Their words hit too close to home. My therapist always said the same thing until it became too difficult to take anymore, and I began avoiding her… but these are my friends. Hearing these words has an even deeper reaction than what I could’ve felt from a session with my therapist.
I bite my lip to stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks, although it gets harder by the second. I blink them away and take another sip of wine.
“At this point, Kelly, you’re the one who’s being toxic,” Jenna asserts once more, breaking into my thoughts. Her words pierce me, hurting deeper than anything else has ever hurt me.
“Oh no, my darling girl, wipe that look off your face. You know I’ll never intentionally hurt you. I know you didn’t plan for it or intend for it to happen, but you’re stringing these poor men along. To prevent yourself from getting hurt, you’re hurting others in return,” Jenna says sadly.
“It’s okay, I understand,” I respond, meaning it. I had never thought of this way, but perhaps they’re right. Although these men have been allowing me to string them along, there could be a part of them, hoping I’d choose them. The thought is not a pleasing one, but I take it for what it is.
“Honestly, I don’t know about your relationship with my brother, but this is the most I’ve ever seen Enzo interested in someone.
"You are both traumatized, but you care for him, or you’d have let him go instead of complaining about him. And from the look of things, in his weird way, he likes you or he wouldn’t be so invested in it. If you want a relationship with Enzo, you’ll not only need to communicate, but the two of you will need therapy. I know it’s difficult to sit there as someone tries to explain your problems away, but you’ll both need to put in the work if you want to be together."
Alessia stares silently at me as if studying me. “Do you want to put in the work with my brother?”
I nod quickly; the alcohol going to my head. “Yes, as much as it pains me to admit, I do like Enzo. I’m willing to work for our relationship if he is.”
Alessia smiles at me. “It's positive that you acknowledge your feelings for him. However, it's equally important to maintain your stance, ensuring he confronts his issues. If he's not prepared to be the supportive partner you deserve, then settling for less shouldn't be an option for you. Focus on your personal growth, not for his sake, but to heal from your past traumas on your terms. "
I nod, my mind already thinking of ways to go about this. “Thanks, guys. You’ve made me see reasons to work on myself. I’ll speak to Enzo and give him another chance, but not before he apologizes.”
"Well done, girl." They end the call, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
14
Enzo
The sound of the doorbell ringing stops me mid-pace. I glance at the table spread one last time before making my way to the door. My hands are sweaty from nerves. I have never been this anxious to receive anyone before. I open the door to find her standing there. Her hands are crossed in front of her, her eyes glazed over and her feet shuffling where she stands.
“Please, come in,” I bid her. My voice has a tone of formality that shouldn’t be there… not when she means so much to me and after the memories we’ve created together.
“Thank you for agreeing to meet with me,” I offer, wincing when I hear how I sound.
“I spent the ride here wondering if it was a good idea to come,” Kelly admits, her voice lacking its usual fire.
“Thank you. I know I have a lot to apologize for.” I lead her to the table, pulling a chair out for her.
I place the dish in front of her and take a seat opposite hers.
“This looks and smells divine,” she says, smiling at the plate.
“Thank you. It’s honey-glazed salmon,” I say, somewhat proud of myself. I’d scoured the internet for the best apology meal, but there were many to choose from. I simply had to settle on honey-glazed salmon over rice, with vegetables on the side.
I’d called the chef at the restaurant for pointers on how to make it taste even better. He’d offered to make it for me, but I wanted this to be as true as my apology. She took a small bite of the salmon and closed her eyes as she savored it. A moan escaped her lips as she looked at me with a genuine smile.
“It’s the best one I’ve had. Are you certain you don’t want to consider a career as a chef?” she asks between bites.
“I’m glad you enjoy it enough to envision me being a chef, but I don’t think that’s the perfect career path for me. Imagine the damage I could do to the kitchen.”
