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“Oh dear, what’s he done now?” Louise wonders with dread.
“He went through my phone and took the numbers of my other boyfriends while I was in the shower. Then he messaged them all, telling them he’s my boyfriend and they should all leave me alone,” I say, my embarrassment doubling as I relate the story.
“What?” Alessia’s voice is loud and sharp.
“Shit. How did you find out about it?” Jenna asks.
“Miles called me up. He was worried about me and wanted to know if I was okay because Enzo’s actions ‘scream toxicity’, as he says. Guys. I’ve never been so embarrassed before,” I moan to the phone.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that, Kelly,” Alessia says with empathy.
Louise shouts angrily, “How dare he?”
“We should have seen this coming,” Rachel adds.
I smile, suddenly a little better as the girls comfort me between making jest of the situation and wishing they could show Enzo the error of his ways.
“Kelly, I have to say though,” Jenna begins. “If it wasn’t Lorenzo but another sensible man… You would be in the wrong here. I know they all, except Lorenzo, deserve a commitment from you. In a relationship, when you love someone and are not a person prone to having multiple lovers, it can be difficult.”
Alessia nods quietly. “True. If any of these men had wanted a serious relationship, what would you have done? You would have dumped them, right?”
“Yes, I would have,” I say, not thinking about it.
“Yeah, you do have commitment issues. It’s not a good thing, Kelly. We’ve seen you let go of some good men who cared about you because you couldn’t give them the commitment they wanted,” Alessia says with sadness in her eyes.
“We know many people aren’t made for monogamous relationships, but you aren’t one of them. You’ve only become so because you are afraid of commitment, not because you are polyamorous,” Louise adds.
I swallow sharply. Their words are pinpricks to the heart, a truth I don’t want to think of or accept.
“Why are you saying this to me?” I ask. I know I’m not polyamorous, I shout in my mind, although my face remains blank.
I’m not polyamorous and cannot claim to be because I have loved none of the men I fooled around with. The only one who’s ever made me feel anything more than just fun is Enzo. However, he doesn’t feel the same way about me. To him, I’m just a prize to be won.
I’ve always been aware of my inability to fall in love because of my fear of commitment, but being called out on it isn’t something I was expecting when I called my friends tonight.
“We’re your friends, Kelly, and we wouldn’t be good ones if we failed to tell you the truth when we know something is wrong,” Rachel reveals like she read my mind.
I nod, the words I want to say are choked up in my throat and unable to come out. It’s been so long since I kept this buried inside of me, carrying the fear of commitment like it was tied with strings to me.
“This is something you need to fix. My brother is an asshole; he’s always been one. Imagine this wasn’t Enzo, but someone else who truly loves you and wants to be with you for the right reasons; would you continue to let them go?” Alessia asks.
I take a large gulp of wine. Hearing all of this was like an intervention on my behalf and not the righteous anger I expected as a reaction to Enzo’s actions.
“I know you don’t want to hear this, Kelly, but you need to work on yourself,” Jenna adds.
They’re right. Again, this is the last thing I want to hear. I want to be done with all of this and move on to something simpler, much quieter, and doesn’t sound like I need to defend myself. The reason I date men who don’t mind being a part of the whole is so I don’t have to be pressured into the one thing I’m scared to do.
“We also think you need to take your therapy more seriously,” Rachel says tentatively.
Jenna jumps on it. “ Why are you avoiding your therapist, Kelly? ”
Pain jabs through my chest, my fingers clenching tightly around the wine glass as I think about their words. They’re only saying this because they love me. They must have noticed this a while ago and tried to spare my feelings, but now it’s become clear I can no longer go on living as I have. It means they believe I have worsened over time.
“Guys, why are you coming for me like this? I called you all to rant, so why am I getting an intervention instead?” I ask, making my voice appear more carefree and calmer than I am on the inside.
From the looks on their faces, they don’t buy it. “Maybe it’s an intervention you need,” Jenna says softly.
“So, you’re saying I should talk things out with Enzo and take him more seriously,” I say, feigning ignorance.
