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It’s been a few hours since Kelly destroyed my heart — none I can account for. I sit with my back pressed to the wall, unable to blink or move. Tears pool in my eyes, making my lashes wet. The life I had imagined has been taken away so quickly.
I fist my hair, pulling at it… but the pain in my heart dulls the pain of my scalp. I’ve lost everything. I not only lost my woman but also my child. I was only just getting used to the idea of being a father and the changes would come with it, but that’s now been ripped away from me.
I want to believe Kelly is lying… but it is most likely she isn’t. If anything, she might have lied about how she had lost the baby, not losing it at all… but could she be vile to get rid of the baby just to spite me? The woman I’ve been with for the past few months doesn’t seem will do something horrible.
There’s nothing else for me now. I groan and grab at my chest as pain shoots through me. I gasp for breath. I’ve been through loss before; yet this pain hurts more than any I’ve ever felt in my life.
Where do I go from here? What do I do?
The idea of moving on is a foreign concept — one I can’t grasp. I welcome it just as I welcome the pain. I stare at my hands, sniffling. I reach for my phone in my pocket and dial the only person I care to speak with.
“Hello?” Alessia’s voice sounds from the other end of the line, a little wary.
“Did she tell you?” I croak, my voice raw from the shouting and cussing. “She lost the baby, Alessia.”
It’s the first time I’ve said the words since she left. My body contorts, tremors going through me as a sob rends my raw throat. I lie in a fetal position, my hands gripping the phone tightly as if it were my lifeline.
“She said she lost the baby. She said she’s leaving. I don’t know what to do, Alessia. What do I do?” I ask. I try to choke back the tears and speak despite the lump in my throat.
“Oh, Enzo…” Alessia’s voice drips with sympathy.
“My heart hurts. Alessia and I can’t make it stop. Please, tell me what to do,” I say again, getting on my knees even though she can’t see me.
“Enzo…” she sighs. “I hate to be the one to say this, especially at a time like this, but you brought this upon yourself.”
“W-what?” I ask, sniffling. My tears give way to disbelief; and for a moment, a different kind of hurt flows through me.
“What are you saying, Alessia? I called you because I’m heartbroken and wish to speak to my sister. You haven’t even tried to be sympathetic… the first thing you say is I brought this upon myself. Is this because Kelly is your friend? You can’t see past it to feel sorry for your brother?”
My free hand curls in a fist as I speak. I sit with my back to the wall, disappointment coursing through my veins.
“No, Enzo. This has nothing to do with Kelly. Even if she wasn’t my friend, there was no way I would support you in everything you’ve been doing.” Her voice is firm.
“I need you to be honest with yourself, Enzo. Has anything you’ve done so far been completely because you love her?”
Without thinking, I nod. “Yes, I love her with all my heart.”
“I didn’t ask you if you loved her, Enzo. Think about this for a minute before you answer. Can you truly say everything you’ve done has only been out of love? Have you not felt the urge to conquer her?” she asks once again.
My lips purse as I think about her words. After she’d agreed to go out with me, everything I did, although it might have been romantic — and I enjoyed it all — the intention was to win. I wanted to beat the other men at the end of the day. It’d always been at the back of my mind, although I tried not to think about it too much.
“You’re right,” I say finally. “I did things to win, but I could not help it. It’s just the way all men work.”
Alessia scoffs, and when she speaks, her voice holds a shred of disgust. “The way men work? I can assure you, Michael doesn’t think of me as a conquest to be won. How have you been best friends for so long and learned nothing? "
I imagine the disgust and irritation on her face as she speaks; her eyes roll behind her lids and her lips turn down in a frown. It angers me to be told off, yet I know she’s not wrong. I have been stubborn.
Vague memories of past girlfriends calling me controlling, self-serving, and other names fill my head. I hadn’t seen it as important and possibly fix myself. There was nothing to be fixed; they simply needed to follow what I said and things would’ve worked out fine. They just never appreciated me.
I cringe in disbelief. My quick dismissal of their complaints has now come back to bite me in the ass. I should’ve listened and worked on myself.
“When you first called me to ask about Kelly, I said you were not ready for a woman like her. She’s nothing like the women you’ve dated in the past. You need to work on yourself, Enzo. I told you then, but you were just so damn proud, too sure everything would go your way."
"I knew this would happen; it was only a matter of when. I also knew this was the wake-up call you have been waiting for so long. It’s bordering on unhealthy. ”
She sighs. “I love you and want you to be happy, but the way you're going won't get you there. None of your relationships were healthy. As harsh as it sounds, it is time for a change, Enzo.”
My jaw ticks in anger. If I wanted the stages of my relationship to be dissected and analyzed, I’d pay to see a shrink.
