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“Just like me, they’ve all moved on with their lives. I suppose it’s for the best,” I admit.
“Yes, it is. One day soon, you’ll meet your baby and experience the most joy you’ve ever felt. Take it from this proud mama here,” Jenna says, rocking a big smile that crinkles her eyes.
“And me too. Of course, there are moments when you want to sit in a corner until there are no more tears… but even then, I wouldn’t want to change a thing,” Alessia adds.
I breathe in deeply, encouraged by their unwavering support. “Thanks, guys. You always make me feel better about things.”
“Anytime, my love,” Jenna says. We ended the call soon after.
I lie on the bed with my arms and legs sprawled out and my eyes fixed on the ceiling. The changes in my body are new and sometimes terrifying. Hearing my baby’s heartbeat in the ultrasound was a defining moment; on the days when I feel lonely, I think about it and know I made the right decision to leave Enzo.
Trying not to think of Enzo has been the hardest thing of all. I refrain from asking Alessia about him, no matter how curious I am. A call jolts me out of my reverie, and a smile stretches across my lips when I see the name on the screen.
“Hey, Mom, how are you?” I ask the moment I pick up the phone.
“Kelly, hi. You’re on loudspeaker. Your sister is here,” she says just as I hear Molly’s voice.
“Kelly, how are you?” Molly asks.
“I’m fine. A lot is going on and so much to get used to, but I’m learning,” I say with a smile, knowing it’s the truth.
“That’s good to know, dear. How’s my grandbaby?” Mom asks.
“Growing. I swear every time I look in the mirror, my belly is bigger.” I can’t hide the smile in my voice.
“Lovely. Oh, I can’t wait,” Mom says happily. “I hope things are not too hard on you.”
“You should come back to New York, Kelly. You’ll have us to take care of you,” Molly adds.
For a moment, I’m tempted to take their offer. Having someone to take care of me on the hard days seems like a dream now. I’ve been doing it on my own.
I shake myself out of it. “No, Molly. Thanks, but I can’t. I’ve been going to therapy, and I don’t want to miss it.”
I laugh. “It’s such a foreign concept considering I’d do anything to stay away from therapy, but I’m taking it seriously this time. I can already see some improvements, no matter how small. If I leave now, I don’t think I’d be able to convince myself to go back.”
“Oh, honey. We’re so proud of you.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
I sigh as contentment washes over me. I rub my hands over my belly. My baby was the motivation I needed to begin this journey. They deserve better than a mother who’s afraid of commitment.
When my baby is born, it’ll be a safe and love-filled environment for a mom who will always be present in his/her life.
“Well, if you ever have questions, ask me. I did birth both of you after all,” Mom says and laughs.
“Of course, Mom. I intend to take you up on the offer. I’ve been reading a lot of pregnancy books so I can be the best mom to my baby, but there will be some things I don’t know and will call to find out more about.”
“Wonderful. That’s all I ask for.”
I ended the call with Mom and my sister some minutes later, thankful to have family and friends who care for me.
22
Enzo
Two months later…
This is harder than I thought.
