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She walks off, leaving me to carry on with my preparation.
Enzo stares at me through the glass window of the restaurant where we’re meeting. Unlike our usual dates, we have agreed on a calm spot. This isn’t just to see if we should be back together, but to talk about what has happened so far.
I adjust the long black dress as I walk into the restaurant. I sit directly opposite him and stare at his clean-shaven face and perfectly mussed hair. Somehow, this look works better for him than the perfectly styled look of years ago.
Calm yourself, Kelly. Remember why you’re here.
“What you did was fucked up, Kelly. I need you to know it before we move further with this,” Enzo says after we place our order. “You took the easy way out, and although I was very difficult, lying to me to escape was a crazy thing to do.”
His face is pinched. I know he’s been thinking about this every day since he found out about Camillo.
“I know and I’m sorry,” I admit, running a finger on the tabletop. “At the time, I thought it was the only way out, but now I know I made a mistake.”
Enzo ponders my words and nods. “I understand why you did what you did. I would love to know my son, though. I’ve missed so much already and want to be there for his next milestones. I don’t want to be a stranger in his life.”
“I’m sorry, Enzo,” I say, thoroughly ridden with guilt. “I can’t hold you back from knowing him if you promise to be a good father to Camillo.”
“I know we have a lot to talk about, but I would like to go first if that’s okay with you.”
I nod, unable to peel my eyes away from him.
“I messed up big time, and I’m aware of it. Everything that happened was my fault. If I hadn’t been so much of an ass, maybe we would’ve been able to work through things together instead of apart.”
“I can’t change the things that have happened in the past, and I will not waste our time with the what ifs. I just want to apologize for my part in it,” he states.
“It’s not all on you, Enzo. I’d also like to apologize,” I start to say, but he raises a hand to stop me.
“I’d like to start with the conversation I’ve been avoiding all this time,” he says and takes a deep breath. “The conversation about my mom. You were right about this being necessary to move our relationship forward. I’m sorry I ignored you and pushed you away.”
I bite my lower lip. While I know I had my part in the way things went, hearing Enzo admit his faults feels very validating.
“Would you like to hear what happened now?” he asks.
I nod. Enzo takes another breath. I can tell this is hard for him. “I was thirteen. It had been a normal day,” he begins. “I didn’t think there was anything wrong until I heard a window break. I came out of my room to investigate but Mom was already in the hallway.”
“I asked what was wrong, but she shushed me and pushed me back into my room. I can still remember the vivid panic in her eyes as she told me to stay there and locked the door from the outside.”
I feel my palms start to sweat as I already know this story ends badly. I can see the wounds it has inflicted on his soul.
“I was right there… but I couldn’t do anything but stare at the door in fear. A few moments later, I heard Mom scream.” Enzo squeezes his eyes shut like he can see the memory. “I tried opening the door, but it wouldn’t budge. It was only then I got my phone to call Dad.”
“When I told him what was going on, he hung up. I crawled out of my window since I couldn’t get out the door. Ended up dropping my phone. They made phones sturdy back then.” His eyes mist over as he jokes.
I can tell he’s trying to lighten the mood — something people do when they’re about to say something they don’t want to.
“By the time I made it to the ground, Dad and some cops were already at the front door. Dad asked me where Mom was. I said she was still inside. I followed behind the adults, and then I heard Dad wailing. Shit. I’d never heard my old man make sounds like that before. It haunted my dreams for a long while. The police tried to stop me from seeing her, but I fought them. I…”
When Enzo trails off, I want to get up and hug him. He was only thirteen. They should have dragged him away.
“I saw Mom… but I couldn’t recognize her. Her head was… a paste… I mean… It was just blood and brain and a caved-in skull.” Enzo is shaking at his point, but when I start to reach for him, he holds up his hand to stop me.
“It’s okay. I can do it,” he says, pulling himself together. “Her dress was torn. At the time… I didn’t know what meant, but I quickly understood as I got older.”
My heart collapses in anguish and a strained cry leaves my lips. I cover my mouth with my hand. His mom… I can only imagine how much pain she felt… It’s no wonder both Enzo and his dad broke down.
“Since then, I ended up buying into the idea a man should be able to protect his woman, at whatever cost,” he continues, his voice heavy.
I blink away the tears that had gathered in my eyes. He shouldn’t have had to go through it, and neither should he have blamed himself for it. He was a victim in need of healing but unable to get it
