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Of all Raider’s hundred questions, only one really mattered: had Seth lied to him?
Had Seth known about the contents of the book all along? Had he known that the book worth killing for was about Raider?
Had Seth hired Raider knowing exactly who—what—he was? After all, it had only been after Seth had seen Raider’s quicksilver that he had sought to hire him as a guide.
Seth had tied Raider to him, had gotten Raider to come along willingly, without need of restraints.
But Seth did have restraints in his possession.
Raider shivered at the memory of those arcane shackles, how completely he had been caught and at Seth’s mercy. How much he had trusted Seth. How much he had loved it.
Had it all been a lie? Was Seth planning to seize Raider, along with Julian? To haul Raider back to the Arcanum? Or worse, to Empress Zarina?
Raider wanted to say, No, no, of course not.
He wanted to think that what he and Seth had was real. But what was it, exactly, that they had?
Love, Raider wanted to say.
And he did love Seth. Even on his hands and knees, shaking and sick to his stomach, with that fucking book forcing on him every truth that he couldn’t fucking bear, he loved Seth.
But did Seth love him?
How could Seth love him, how could anyone? Everything about Raider was a lie. There was nothing real to love. And if Seth knew that, maybe he didn’t mind lying too.
Seth’s principles were strong, but which one would be strongest? What would matter most to him? Honesty? Or his duty to the Arcanum?
The Arcanum, of course. Seth had devoted his life to it. It had saved his life. It was his home.
Raider would be nothing compared to that.
The thought slid so easily into place that it was almost like Raider had been waiting for it, holding a space ready for it.
And he had been, hadn’t he? Good things always vanished. Because Raider didn’t deserve them.
He had known that all his life, long before he’d met the emperor, long before Kahzir had used Raider against him.
So he wasn’t surprised, not really, to think that Seth, the best thing that had ever happened in his life, would vanish too.
CHAPTER 34
NORMALLY, SETH ENJOYED bookshops. The huge stacks of dusty tomes containing all manner of obscure knowledge and history. A bespectacled bookseller with a long white beard who could somehow find anything amid the chaos.
If Seth weren’t in a hurry, if Seth were here with Raider, he would love it.
Raider would be a pain in the ass, of course. He would steal things (or pretend to). He would give Seth shit about every single book he opened. He would light this place the hell up and distract Seth. For fuck’s sake, Raider wasn’t even here and he was distracting Seth.
Seth needed to be ruthlessly focused, like he usually was. He had work to do. He had his mission to complete.
And yet, all Seth wanted was to be with Raider. He needed to be with Raider.
During their time in the Kesh, Seth had gotten so used to spending all day with him. Seeing him, hearing him, feeling his nearness. But since their arrival here, he’d seen Raider only at dinner and in bed.
The thought sent images flashing through his mind:
Raider bowing up on the bed as Seth sucked his gorgeous cock and speared fingers into his ass. Raider panting, his cock leaking against his belly, his eyes on Seth’s dick as he oiled it. Raider’s lips parting as Seth penetrated him.
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