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I sat up more, leaned back into the pillows, and took a bite of the toasted bagel she set on a breakfast tray. “Bree, honey,” I said in a sluggish tone that was a bit annoying, given I was trying my hardest to feel normal and quickly, “dreams and nightmares can be manipulated to what I allow them to be if I’m lucid dreaming. But reality? A whole different story.”
Bree reached for the other half of the bagel on my tray and began smearing cream cheese over it. “Nope,” she said confidently, taking a bite. “You are the only one who can give power to what hurts you.”
I placed my bagel back onto the table in frustration. “I don’t want to hear any of this whimsical bullshit. It makes no sense.” I picked up a linen napkin and wiped my hands. “Please tell me Spencer told you what happened with my dad. I don’t have the energy to repeat it.”
“He did, but only Alex and I are aware. Spencer didn’t want the information going past Jim, Alex, or me without your expressed permission.”
“I appreciate him taking that into consideration for me.”
“He’s a good guy, Nat. He is.”
“I know I wasn’t awoken from a twenty-four-hour coma only to hear Spencer’s praises being sung. I’ll deal with my opinions of that man when I’m ready, and now is not that time. I appreciate him getting my dad to cough up his transgressions, though.” I stared at the corner of the room, remembering every detail about Spencer’s interaction with my father. “Do you know my dad didn’t hesitate to agree to have me killed? My own father, Breanne. Although, calling that man a father is like calling a vulture a canary.” I let out a breath and looked at Bree’s sorrowful eyes. “He killed my mother. He brutalized my siblings and me, and I just think…why? For money? He was going to have me potentially murdered because some big shot would make it worth his while? I don’t even give a fuck about his other criminal activity; I mean, what could make him a worse human being than what he’s done to his family?”
“This is all so very unreal to me. I know it’s a sensitive subject, but I love you, so I’m going to talk about it anyway,” she said, reaching for my hand. “You’ve never told me any details about the abuse you suffered as a child, and you have every right to guard that.” I tried to maintain eye contact without crying, but I wasn’t doing a good job of it. “You know a little about Alex’s childhood, and from what I’ve gathered from everything you’ve shared with me in the past, it seems like you and he have similar backgrounds. You know, his father abused him terribly. He beat him, locked him in closets without food for days, and burned him with cigarettes,” she stopped and shuddered, and the lump in my throat felt the size of a softball. His story was all too familiar, and it made me very sad that we had so much pain and cruelty in common. “That’s not the half of it, but I’m sure you understand. I’m not trying to compare suffering here, but I just want you to know it’s possible to process it. He had to do intense therapy, even hypnotherapy, but all the work he’s done has helped immensely.”
“I’m sorry for what happened to Alex, and I’m glad he was able to work through his trauma,” I said, tears filling my eyes, trying my hardest to be strong. “But I’m going to be okay. I have to be tough as nails since I’m carrying this little slip-up of mine and Spencer’s for the next eight months and will endure the torture of giving birth.”
“That’s very true,” Bree chuckled before she grew serious. “But you’re not dealing with this on your own. I won’t allow that.”
“Neither will I,” I heard Shane’s voice and wondered if I was hallucinating.
“Shane?” I questioned, looking around Bree to see my brother’s filled-out, healthy face.
I covered my impulsive cry when I saw how handsome and robust he looked.
“Hey, buddy,” Bree said, using the nickname she had given him years ago. “Thanks for coming today.”
I looked at Bree in confusion. “I’m not sure what is going on, but if I wake up from this after seeing my brother healthy again, I don’t think I will be able to handle it.”
“You’re not dreaming, you nut,” Shane said, walking over and sitting beside me on the bed. “I heard you fell off the face of the earth while I was in rehab. What the hell?”
I smiled and didn’t say anything. All I could do was hug him. I clung to my brother, thanking God and everybody that he looked strong and better than I could remember ever seeing him
I released him, both of us crying, “You know about dad?”
He nodded and wiped the tears from his eyes, “Yeah. I called Liz and told her, but you know how she is. She just thanked me for calling and sent her love to us both.”
“Yeah, I guess I’m not surprised,” I said, thinking about how detached my sister had always been. It was her defense mechanism, and I couldn’t fault her for protecting herself. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”
“I’m so sorry this has happened to both of us. But I’m better now, Nat, and we have each other.”
I hugged him again, letting my head rest on his shoulder. “Yes. Thank God I have you, honey,” I said, wanting to hold him and, for the first time, allow my brother to help me feel stronger instead of the other way around.
I had no idea how long Shane and I cried together, sharing the grief of our mother’s murder at the hands of our father and our fucked-up childhood, which haunted our adult lives.
When I released him, I saw that Bree had left us to reunite alone. I would insist on thanking her for this later.
“How?” I said, feeling more like myself. “What made you get help? Rock bottom? Bree?” I laughed. “Something made you finally step up, own your shit, and get healthy for yourself again.”
“It was Spencer,” he shrugged and gave me the most adorable expression.
I laughed at his admission.
“How so? You wanted to be a wealthy asshole like him, so you had to get clean?”
“You have no idea, do you?”
I was confused. “No, apparently I don’t?”
