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As I sighed, I felt Spencer’s hand spread and flex over my belly, pulling me into his embrace, and I leaned into it, pulling his head down to my shoulder. He sighed into my neck, kissing me tenderly, and I went completely still for a moment as I tried to decide what to do from there.
“How are you feeling?” he asked. I could tell he was testing the waters with my mood this morning, and I didn’t blame him.
“A bit surprised to be waking up in this room, knowing the last time I was here was after a weekend of sex and nothing more.”
I felt him laugh. “Ah, the good ole’ days,” he said, his lips pressing into the top of my hair.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I playfully teased back, grateful that we were sort of reuniting in humor instead of anger or seriousness at the moment.
“Well, that’s before we decided to get fake married, play with fire, acquaint ourselves with the dark secrets of our family, and this whole thing turned into a one-sided relationship.”
Even though he was teasing, I could sense I’d hurt him.
“I warned you,” I said, knowing the teasing would only last so long before we addressed the real issues.
“I know,” he answered. “And I wouldn’t take back any of the things I mentioned, either.”
“I do not know how you can think or say that.” I finally turned to face him, his sleepy eyes making him appear more handsome than ever.
“Well, I guess I can say it because, in all relationships, there are lessons to be learned.”
“And in our relationship, which I fucked up before it could hardly even start? What did we learn? Or should I ask, what did you learn?”
He smirked at me, his eyes following the trail of his fingertips tracing across my forehead. “That everyone was wrong,” his eyes met mine again. “It appears I truly have a heart, and it’s not made of stone.”
“And all of this shit was worth that to you?”
“Still is,” he answered.
I rolled onto my back and stared up at his ceiling. “I don’t understand how it could seem so easy and doable until now. I’m the strongest woman I know, yet, in this department, I feel weak. And I hate feeling weak.”
“No more than I do,” he answered with a laugh.
I looked over at him and smiled, “God, I’m such a fucking mess. I didn’t realize that until recently.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” he answered empathetically. “Perhaps, it would help if you aired out what has been going on with you since we returned to California?”
I bit the inside of my cheek, running my teeth along my lower lip as I thought about what to say. How could I articulate what I’d begun to feel for him overseas and everything I’d felt since coming home, particularly now that my little brother was involved?
The only thing I could do was just start talking.
“When we landed, the first thing that came to mind for me was figuring out everything for Shane. I needed to persuade him to stay with me at my place, but I also knew he wouldn’t likely agree, and I didn’t want you to be there.”
He opened his mouth, and I could practically hear the arguments before they started coming out, so I held my fingers up to his lips.
“Hang on,” I said. “You asked me to talk to you about my feelings. If you start interrupting me, I don’t think I’ll ever get this out.”
He didn’t fix me with any of the looks that showed his annoyance. Instead, he brought his fingers up to my hand, holding my fingers to his lips and kissing them gently.
“Go on,” he said, tracing his fingertip up and down my arm. “Don’t mind me.”
I gave a slight nod before reaching out and running my thumb under his eye. “I know that you and Shane kind of got close in London and that he confided in you some, but I also knew what kind of reaction he would have to me telling him that he needed to stay with me. I didn’t think much about running it past you because whatever we are to each other, it hadn’t been going on for that long at that point; you have to admit that.”
He nodded, but his mouth spread into a wide smile. He looked as though he were trying to keep from whooping in triumph.
I raised an eyebrow at him. “What’s that face for, Spence?”
“I think that’s the first time you’ve acknowledged there being something between us beyond just a charade for my family’s benefit.” He leaned toward me and kissed my forehead, “That, and it feels like an eternity since you called me Spence.”
