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“I’m guessing not much,” Ashley said with a chuckle, snapping my brain back to the present.
“I slept well,” I said, trying to cover for myself.
“Right,” Avery snickered, her bright blue eyes glittering and brilliant. “You two didn’t sleep a wink,” she eyed Ashley’s mischievous grin. “You know how I know?”
I matched her playful arched eyebrow with one of my own, “Well, from the looks of the two of you…” I started after Avery handed me a coffee mug she’d filled with fresh coffee after pouring her one of her own.
“Don’t turn it around on us,” Avery said, eying Ashley with a smile and a protective look to ensure she felt okay this morning. “Spill it.”
“Spill what?” I said, following the ladies into the grand living room lined with glass windows, an enormous fireplace with a healthy fire crackling, and oversized dark leather furniture that was almost more inviting than the comfortable bed I’d enjoyed my morning in.
“The coffee,” Ash teased, sitting in the oversized chair closest to the fireplace, “what do you think? We want the dirt, of course.”
“From your expressions, I’m assuming that nothing happened in our room that didn’t happen through both of yours all hours of the night.”
As soon as I so carelessly said it, I covered my mouth immediately.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, looking at Ash’s confused smile. “And now I’m sorry that I’m apologizing.”
“Oh, honey,” Ash said gently and kindly, “why are you apologizing to me? Don’t tell me that John is the abusive type who has you insecure about saying?—”
“No,” I said, frustrated with myself. I didn’t know these two women well and felt insecure that I may have said something inconsiderate given Ash’s current treatments. “I—Um, I just…”
I had no idea what to say or how to explain why I felt terrible for implying that we were all having sex last night. I wasn’t even sure what life was truly like for Ash while she was undergoing chemotherapy. I felt like a completely rude fucking idiot.
“Oh,” Ash laughed as if she’d been in my head, shuffling around in my panicked and embarrassed thoughts. “Are you concerned about the chemo and that Jacob and I most likely went to bed without having the same amazing sex everyone else had?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I answered sheepishly.
“Well, I’ve only had two rounds of this so far. I usually feel the worst within the first couple of days, and then I feel a bit better. I’m not sure if it’ll worsen before it gets better, but that’s why I wanted to come on this trip. After my first round of chemo, I caught myself thinking this shouldn’t be my life and that I was on the same path as my mother, leading me into an early grave. It plays with your mind like that, you know?”
“I can’t imagine,” I said truthfully.
“Well, it does,” she answered, her eyes distant and staring off toward the bright white snow of Aspen’s valley below us. “However,” her eyes met mine and Avery’s, “that’s why we’re doing this. I want to live, and when I say live, I mean there are so many things that happen in life to take our minds off the importance of why we’re here. Initially, I feared losing this battle, but then I realized it was just one big mental game. Entertaining those unhealthy thoughts would have me lose this battle before it ever started, and that’s not who I am. I’m a fighter, and I know that everything happens for a good reason. We embrace that, or we hide from it. I will tell you this, though: when you realize your importance and that you’re on this crazy earth for a reason, that’s when you really start to live.”
“That makes sense, babe,” Avery chimed. “But when you feel like shit from chemo, I’m sure you’re not thinking of all of that existentialism,” she said with a laugh. I could tell she and Ash were close, given how brutally honest she was with her friend.
“Well, no shit,” Ash chuckled. “The part that fucked with me the most was when I had to flush my pee down the toilet twice and not let the kids sit on the toilet seat until the chemo left my system after a few days…shit like that. And Jacob taking my laundry to be cleaned separately from the other clothes to keep it from hurting anyone else.”
“Jesus,” I said, unaware of that part. “How did you cope with that?”
Her eyes pooled with tears, “I felt like a monster. I broke down in tears and went to bed, not wanting to see or speak to anyone. It was a bad moment for me, and I remember sitting in that dark room thinking that I could push away everyone who was trying to help me and who was hurting right alongside me, or we could all fight this together. I chose to fight. I chose to get out of my head about it and just fucking live. That’s why we’re all here.” She smiled cutely at me with a scrunch of her nose, “And yes, once I started feeling better, and that waste was out of my system, you better believe I made my husband a happy man just like I did last night.”
I laughed with Avery. “You’re inspiring,” I said. Ashley’s endurance and mentality showed me that I had no reason to be afraid or to feel awkward.
“I’m not trying to inspire or anything,” she paused and chuckled, “or maybe I am.”
“You are,” Avery teased. “In fact, I’m hoping that your energy levels are ready to shred something up on those slopes. You know I’m not meeting those boys for drinks later only to hear their war stories about killing each other on the double black diamond slopes while we sit in here and drink coffee.”
“Good morning, ladies,” Elena said as she entered the living room from the kitchen nook. “I’m trusting you’re all here to discuss that those men won’t know what hit them when we take to the slopes?”
“You know it,” Ash stood and smiled. “Now, this is how it’s done,” she fanned her hand out and waved across the room. “Good friends, good appetites, and good fun.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” I said.
“I’ll agree after I eat breakfast, you crazy hippies,” Avery said. “Good God, we go from existential motivational talk, to kicking the men in their balls on the slopes, and no one has made mention of the homemade croissants that the butler told the chef to prepare for us?”
“Dude,” Elena said, her eyes wide, “what’s with that guy, anyway?”
