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I don’t know why, but I was suddenly nervous.
“Don’t,” I freaked and stood, threatening to ruin what should’ve been a cute moment. “I mean, John?—”
“Baby,” he said, setting down his box of shrimp and reaching to embrace me because he must’ve seen the panic in my eyes, “I’m not going to ask you right now. I just?—”
“No, I’m sorry,” I said, taking a deep breath and not letting myself get carried away. “I don’t understand why I reacted like this—you know, nervously—because this is cute and very much you to do something like this, and the thing is that I really want it. But I’m just?—”
“You’re scared,” he said with a smile. “You have every right to feel scared. I mean, shit, look at what happened to your previous engagement and then the way I fucked up our relationship after that. It’s okay. We don’t have to get married tomorrow.”
I exhaled, not realizing I would react to marrying anyone this way. It was apparently a fear I didn’t even know I had until now.
“Well, if it helps, I think I’m just terrified of marriage all the way around?” I said.
“You’re not afraid of marriage, Mick,” he said with a sympathetic smile. “You’re afraid of committing to someone who won’t live up to their vows and will hurt you. Sadly, it seems I’m right there with your ex as someone who has already let you down in that department. The difference is what I promised you already; I will do whatever it takes to help you heal past the hurt I caused you. I’m in this for the long haul. I want to be with you until death do us part, whether I say the vows in front of a room full of people or in front of a judge.”
“So, you’re saying this is long-term, huh? You and me, with or without marriage vows?”
“It’s exactly what I’m saying. You remember the old man we met when we were camping?”
“Ha, yes. I can’t remember the funny name you called him, though. What was it?”
“Huckleberry Joe,” I chuckled. “Remember he talked about wants versus needs? Back then, it was all the same to me. However, now I can distinguish the difference between the two after losing you and then trying to earn back your trust.”
“Oh, and what’s the difference?” I asked, smiling and calming down.
“Well, I wanted you before I fucked everything up. It took that catastrophe and living with my parents again in their twisted world to realize how much I needed you. My parents have always imposed their ideas of what I needed onto me; let’s face it, the way they treat their children is a master class in wants versus needs. I just didn’t know it until it was almost too late.”
“Well, your parents probably thought they were considering your needs,” I answered him honestly. “All parents think they know what’s best for their children and do their best to?—”
“No,” he interrupted. “The fact that they’ve allowed our silence to go on this long and are stuck in the frame of mind that it’s their way or the highway proves they only care about themselves.”
“True,” I answered.
“However, leaving them out of this, I learned what I needed for my happiness and contentment. I need you. I don’t just want you, Mick. I sincerely need you. And sure, I could’ve tried to replace you with another woman,” he reached his hand to my face, “but she wouldn’t have been you. No other woman has managed to captivate me, body, mind, and soul, as you have. I won’t lose that or you again. Everything about me is satisfied and fulfilled just seeing your eyes as they stare into mine or watching you smile at the silly things that wouldn’t put a smile on anyone else’s face. Like that damn empty fortune cookie, or when I opened the laundry room door and you smiled, holding the same bag of Chinese food that I had. That’s all I need. Your beautiful smile, the fact that you put up with my goofiness and that we laugh over the craziest shit. That’s what it’s all about. There’s no one else I want to share my life with. It doesn’t get any better than this.”
That spoke directly to my heart. Everything was light and beautiful with John. It was indeed fulfilling, and it was just…right. He was like the other part of my soul, like we completed each other by simply being in the other’s presence. We laughed at the silliest things, and the best part was that this man was never cranky or driven to anger the way some people could be. Being with him was like being with my best friend all the time.
The break we had in our relationship was needed to determine if this was what we wanted. I was learning that there were no hard and fast rules in relationships. I mean, of course, there were rules, but no freaking law said that you had to do certain things to ensure it was love. Your heart just knows; more than that, your soul also knows.
It was like our souls had recognized each other from the moment we first met. It just took us a while to figure out whether we could trust it because we lived in a world that suggested certain things must be done before you can fall in love.
We all make mistakes in love, that’s to be sure, primarily driven by lust and desire—wants—but sometimes those mistakes lead us to our needs. John was right; once again, we were both on the same page. We didn’t just want to be together; we needed to be with each other, with or without wedding rings or exchanges of vows.
I could safely admit here and now, to myself and God, that John was my perfect other half. I was thankful that we’d found each other and that our souls had made their way back home after being ripped apart by other people’s opinions about what was best for John’s life.
I’m thankful he came home to me, and without another thought or fear, I followed my heart, reached up for John’s face, and smiled.
“Marry me, John Aster.”
Chapter Sixty
John
The look of certainty in Mickie’s eyes as she proposed and the promise of a future I wanted with no one else made me toss aside my Chinese food box and nearly attack her, sweeping her into my arms and taking her to my place. It was way past time to have her in my arms again after the hell we’d gone through.
I was spellbound by her fragrance, the soft feel of her buttery smooth skin, and the soft moans erupting from her while I kissed her deeply. She emitted loud sighs of pleasure while my lips worked their way to her neck as I laid her back on my cot.
Her perfect breasts, which I’d nearly torn her shirt away from, were calling to me as I unbuttoned her jeans. I couldn’t get this woman undressed fast enough. With every kiss down the center of her abdomen, along her pelvic bone, and down to her beautiful, dripping wet pussy that was always shaved to desired perfection for my hungry eyes, I found myself home with the woman I loved more than anything.
