AllFreeNovel
Share Us
My eyes matched Matthew’s from the other side of the register—as wide as fuck.
“Your sweet ass never said that to me,” I said.
“Better go scrounge up some worms out by the lake, pal,” Matthew said.
“Scrounge?” I responded. I swear this kid was throwing me curveballs with his lingo.
“Hey,” he held his hands up, “I’m just trying to help.”
“Well, he’s way past help now,” Mickie answered. “Let’s get whatever food we need for the campsite.” She turned to Matthew, “Where do you keep the steaks?”
“Steaks? Yeah, no. We’re not a full-service grocery store like that,” Matthew said. “We got some wieners in the cold case.”
Yeah, and wieners working behind the cash register, too, I thought. Honestly, the dude was only annoying me because this interaction had spun quickly out of control, and he was managing to dash every expectation I had, one by one.
“This isn’t going to work,” I told him as if he could call up a truck from hundreds of miles away to deliver raw steaks.
“It’ll be fine, John,” Mickie said.
“No, sweetheart.” I smiled at her, chilling out a bit before looking back at Mountain-man Matthew. “If I’m not getting laid because your ass can’t keep bait stocked and the lady can’t fish, I sure as hell am not shoving a goddamn wiener down my gullet for my trouble.”
If this doofus makes a ‘that’s what she said’ joke, I don’t know if I’ll laugh or punch his throat.
“That sounds like your problem,” Matthew said, smiling as he spat that truth back at me.
“That is what’s pissing me off about you right now, Matt,” I said. “I’m having a shit-ton more problems than you are suddenly.”
“I don’t think you have more problems than me,” Matthew said. “The brand new 4Runner and your preppy little shirt and jeans tell me you probably don’t have any problems at all.”
“The 4Runner and these preppy clothes were working to get me laid tonight, and your ass and this damn store ensured it was all done in vain.”
“Oh, no,” Mickie finally cut in. She gently touched her finger into my chest, arched an eyebrow, and smiled. “You are the reason you’re not getting laid, not poor Matthew.” She stopped and looked at the guy on the other side of the register and grinned, “Where are the hot dogs?”
“In the back next to the White Claws. I’ll get them.”
“Thank you,” she smiled at Matthew, then looked at me. “You need to relax. Hot Dogs will be just fine. It’s more of a staple food for camping anyway.”
“I am relaxed,” I answered her, acting innocent. “I just don’t want to eat a goddamn hot dog. I hate that chopped-up shit. It tastes like ass,” I said, honestly.
She covered her smile, “That’s a good thing, then?”
“How is eating ass a good thing?” I said it before I thought about how it would sound, and I couldn’t stop myself from smiling and laughing with Mickie. “Don’t say it,” I begged her.
“I don’t need to. You already did.”
“Well, I should clarify that it’s not the preferred kind of ass I want to eat.”
I said that just as Huckleberry Finn’s grandpa entered the store. From the looks of the old man, he was the one who’d bought all the bait. He wore overalls that had to have been older than him, a long-sleeve flannel shirt, and a straw hat, carrying a fishing rod and looking like a cartoon character.
“Excuse me, son,” he said to me. I half expected him to reprimand me for speaking like a disgusting pig in front of a lady, but he was merely trying to get by with his fishing pole.
“Hey, Mr. Solomon,” Matthew said, walking back with two packs of hot dogs. “Did you catch it all?”
“All that I could,” he chuckled. “You know that lake likes to play stubborn with me sometimes.”
“Let me take care of these folks, then I’ll get your refund on the bait you didn’t use,” he said.
“We don’t need two packs of hot dogs,” I said, obviously not letting go of my issues with Matthew.
