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Some weird fearful feelings washed over me, and I didn’t like them. I was suddenly afraid that John would keep me a secret from his family because of their obvious wealth, and when he was done playing around with me, he’d discard me.
Fear stirred another feeling that was foreign to me: insecurity about the woman I was and that I wasn’t good enough for John.
“What the fuck am I doing?” I questioned myself aloud as if I were begging for advice on how naïve I was behaving.
I knew better. Until now, I’d never let a man dictate how I felt about myself, and I sure as hell didn’t allow my feelings for a man or his feelings for me to dictate my self-worth. I had been in foreign territory since I trusted a relationship with John Aster.
This tall, dark, and handsome man with soul-piercing eyes seemed to be changing the person I fundamentally was, putting me on a crash course to relationship hell.
“You’re dating a man who is head-over-heels in love with you,” Brenda’s voice interrupted my panic. “Nothing wrong with that.”
“There is something very wrong with that if the man won’t so much as introduce you to his family,” I responded like a spoiled child—or soon-to-be ex-girlfriend if I didn’t get this nonsense under control. “Okay,” I stood up before my sudden insecurity created further damage, “I need to review some charts with John.”
“And break up with him?” Brenda asked with a chuckle.
“Maybe?”
I was confused and, if I was honest, a bit terrified of being majorly hurt by this guy.
“Listen, Mickie,” she said, becoming serious, “you two are just feeling each other out right now. There’s no need to go off on him for not introducing you to the family yet.”
“You’re not wrong at all,” I answered her truthfully, “and that’s the thing. I’m way over my head with a co-worker, and I’m not thinking clearly about this. Normally, I don’t have feelings like this when dating guys. I never have, and I don’t plan to start doing so now.”
“Okay. We’ll see you later,” Brenda said as Vickie waved goodbye.
I walked out of the cafeteria, heading to the medical office buildings in search of John. I passed through the hallways, nodding at everyone who greeted me with a look and a smile.
Butterflies swarmed in my stomach, and my heart raced when I walked into the office buildings, knowing I was getting closer to John and closer to ending this before it could ever really get started.
“John?” I questioned, walking up to where he stood, passing charts over to a nurse practitioner he was working with for one of his oncology patients.
“Yeah, babe. Um—” he paused, then smiled after turning to me, eyes roaming up and down the scrubs I was wearing since I was in the hospital on-call all day. “I mean Dr. Smith,” he said with a wink, placing his pen into the top left pocket of his medical coat.
“How are you on patients?”
“I have plenty of it when it comes to you, love,” he said, smiling at me and ignoring that talking like this around everyone in the office still made them uncomfortable.
I liked that he didn’t care what any of them thought of us being in a relationship; however, I wasn’t sure his brain was functioning well in all of this because mine sure hadn’t been.
“Patients, as in people you’re seeing, not your state of mind, jackass,” I said under my breath, turning him by his elbow to guide him across the hall and into his office.
“Jesus,” he said, with my abrupt actions. “What’s going on? You’re acting like you need me to help you to hide a body.”
“Not funny,” I said, redoing my ponytail. “John, this has to end.”
“Has to end?”
“Yes, all of it. Right now.”
“I’m perplexed. What has to end? Your panicked behavior?”
“Yes, exactly.”
His humored expression faded, and he reached for my face, “Mick, you don’t look well at all. What happened?”
“I’m not well,” I said in frustration and sadness. “You and I can’t do this.”
“We can’t?” he responded, guiding me to sit in one of the oversized leather chairs where his patients sat in consultations. “What’s wrong?”
