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“Before I make plans,” Miles said.
Ford glared at him. “This affects all of us.”
“That’s why I need to?—”
“No.” The sharpness of Worth’s voice surprised all of us. He focused on me and continued. “First, we need to know exactly what is going on between you and Matteo. You told us you’d hooked up a few times, but I saw the way you were looking at each other. I may be the least romantic one of us all—” Miles snorted which earned him a glare. “But even I know there was a hell of a lot more going on. You were doing that eye talking shit that couples do.”
If Worth had seen through me, I was going to have to do better to hide how I felt about Matteo. “We were sizing each other up, trying to see if?—”
“Bullshit,” Ford said.
Miles sighed. “We can’t fix this if we don’t know the whole story.”
“You know more about me than anyone,” I protested.
“That doesn’t mean we know everything. What really happened with you and Matteo?”
“He shot me and then let me go and told me to run.” That was true, but it sure as hell wasn’t everything. All of them saw right through me. The looks they gave me ranged from anger—Miles—to disappointment—Ford—to smug satisfaction—Worth and Jay.
I sighed. “Fine. I fucking lied, okay? It was a hell of a lot more than a few hook ups. I was crazy about him, willing to do what it took to keep him interested, and he….” I paused to take a shaky breath.
The cold calm that settled over Miles was far scarier than the anger he’d shown earlier. “If he hurt you, I’m going to fucking kill him.”
“Miles, Matteo fucking shot him,” Worth said.
“No, I mean if he?—”
“Do you honestly think I can’t take care of myself? Jesus, Miles, I’m your head of security. I’m the one who is supposed to protect you.”
Ford laid a hand on Miles’s arm. “You don’t have to be in charge of everything.”
Miles huffed.
“Keep talking,” Jay said.
“I thought Matteo was just playing around, getting off on how easily he’d charmed me and convinced me to break all the rules.”
“And now?” Worth asked.
“Now I’m not so sure. Tonight he acted like I was crazy not to have known how much he cared for me.”
Miles growled. “Fucking manipulative son of a bitch.”
“He can be, but…don’t you think I’m expecting that? Do you think I wanted to fall back into his arms?”
Worth’s eyes went wide, and I froze. I’d fucked up. “I didn’t mean?—”
“You fucked him?” Jay asked. “After all this? After he kidnapped Ford? After he betrayed you?”
“He’s CIA. He was undercover, and he never hurt Ford.”
Ford snarled. “He scared the shit out of me, and worse, Jay.”
Why was I defending Matteo? I’d told him to his face that I didn’t give a fuck if he was CIA or not. He still betrayed us as far as I was concerned, but now, when my friends dismissed the importance of him being undercover, I couldn’t stand it. I wanted to yell at them, to tell them to show him some respect. What the hell was wrong with me?
“Are you saying you’ve forgiven him?” Miles’s voice was calmer than I would have expected.
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “I really don’t know what I think, but I can’t send him away to die. If he was working for the CIA, as much as I hate that bunch of spooks, he was an undercover agent. I can’t kill him for that.”
