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“No, but you don’t have to fuck him,” Worth said.
“I didn’t say I?—”
Miles raised his brows. “You didn’t say you didn’t.”
“What difference does it make? You of all people”—I looked at Worth—“know that you don’t have to like someone to use their body.”
“No, but it can’t be good for your mental health to fuck someone who betrayed you, someone you used to be in love with.”
“I was obsessed with him. I didn’t say I was in love with him.”
“Not with your words,” Ford said.
“Carter, you need to be able to stay objective.”
Miles was right. They were all right. I’d been an idiot overtaken by emotions and feelings I didn’t understand. I couldn’t sort through all the anger, the sadness, and the brokenness he left me with. But I wasn’t going to touch him again. I was only going to do my duty and keep him safe, which was more than he did for me.
Is that fair? Didn’t he do what he could to keep you safe? Could you have done anything else in his position?
He could’ve not listened to the stupid spies. He could’ve stayed with our unit. He could’ve been sure he was on the side of good.
Could he? Do you really think it’s that simple?
“Carter?” Worth’s voice seemed much too distant. I pushed all my conflicting thoughts away and looked at him. “Are you okay?”
I barely kept myself from laughing. I was so very far from okay. I wouldn’t be okay until the cartel was demolished, and I figured out what other secrets Matteo was keeping from me. I might not be okay until I got him out of the city.
Like you’d be okay without him now.
“We don’t need his help to take down the cartel,” Miles said.
“I don’t want him out of my sight until this situation is dealt with.”
Miles studied me for a moment. “Because you don’t trust him or because you need to protect him?”
“Both.”
Ford sighed. “Shit Carter, you can’t get involved with this man. Think about what he did to you.”
“Seriously,” Jay added.
“I’m not involved with him. He let me go when he could easily have killed me. I’m going to do the same for him.”
“You’re doing a hell of a lot more for him,” Ford insisted “You could’ve killed him, and you didn’t. You could’ve tortured him, and you…didn’t?”
Had I? I wasn’t exactly sure. I’d tried to, but I was convinced he’d gotten off on everything I’d done. Hell, he’d egged me on for more. “Not really.”
Worth frowned. “What does that mean?”
“You don’t want details.”
He sighed. “True. But…damn how kinky are you?”
“Worth, drop it.”
His eyes widened. “Wow. If you looked at him like that, I’m surprised he didn’t run away crying.”
I tensed. Even if I went back to the cabin and Matteo was gone and I never saw him again, I would never forget the moment when I pulled him into my arms and held him while he sobbed. That memory would be as fresh in twenty years as it was now.
