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I should worry that Matteo was in my office, but what was he going to do? Apparently, he’s one of the good guys just like me. Why was that so fucking hard to accept?
Maybe because if you believe he did this for you, if you believe he cared that much about you—maybe even loved you—then you’ll have to open yourself up to the feelings you had for him, the ones that were just right, the ones your instincts screamed at you to follow.
He was part of this mission for now, no matter how much hell that was going to put me through—or how much pleasure. Sometimes it was hard to separate the two.
“Don’t leave this fucking house,” I yelled at him.
“As you wish, darling,” he snarled back.
I slammed the door behind me so hard I was surprised it didn’t fall off the hinges. Good thing the cabin was well constructed, though Matteo and I might tear it down if we stayed much longer.
I didn’t know where the hell I was going, but I knew I needed to be away from him.
I probably shouldn’t drive in my current state, but if that asshole was going to run now, I wasn’t going to give him the luxury of a vehicle. He could fucking leave on foot. God help him if he took one of Ford’s horses. I doubted he knew how to ride, though the thought of him on a horse, his powerful thighs gripping its sides….
He isn’t going to run. You know that. You’re fucking stuck with him.
I slammed the SUV into gear and took off, dust rising behind me as I raced over the gravel road, not caring what it did to my car.
15
MATTEO
Istared at the door long after he’d slammed it closed. Watching, listening. Did I really think he’d come to his senses, run back in, confess his feelings, apologize, and get on his knees? That wasn’t going to happen. I was a fool to have said anything. I should have just given him the punishing fuck he was asking for and enjoyed myself. Why did I have to push for more?
Because when you’ve both come and he’s pushed you away, you’ll still feel like you do now, like you’re not whole, like you’d do anything for his attention, like you would die if he made you leave.
Fuck.
I paced around the cabin for an unknown amount of time. I kept hoping he’d come back, that he’d walk off his anger or decide he’d enjoy it more if he came back and beat me up. Or if he yelled at me and fucked me again. Something, anything, was better than knowing he was out there while I didn’t know where he was, or when or if I’d get him to open up and confess what he felt.
I wanted to go after him or even call one of his friends to do it, but I didn’t. He’d insisted many times he could take care of himself, and I knew he could, he was a SEAL. So I went into his office to get some research done. I was able to break into his laptop more easily than I expected. I was going have to talk to him about his personal cybersecurity.
I took the slim information I had from my handler, and the other tidbits I had gotten so far through Leo, and started discovering what I could about Carter’s family.
All I knew from Carter was that his childhood had been hell, but I never learned any details other than the fact that he’d lost his mother when he was five, and his father and brother were both cruel to him. Once I got into the research, I started to see a picture of the kind of men they were. They didn’t deserve to be on the same planet as Carter.
The more I read about them, the more my disgust grew. They’d both been indicted for fraud, domestic abuse, and trafficking numerous times, but neither had ever been convicted. I began to see that Carter’s father was a man who wouldn’t hesitate to have his son brought up on false charges of treason. He wouldn’t hesitate to kill anyone who got in his way. What kind of hell had Carter been through before the navy?
I was more thankful than ever for the friends Carter had found when he went away to school. Even if they hated me, they’d clearly been a lifeline for Carter. As much as I might resent Miles’s behavior, I had to give him credit for helping Carter recover.
Deeper investigation showed that while Carter’s father was ruthless, he preferred a more direct approach to taking care of his problems. Carter’s brother was the one who liked convoluted schemes. He preferred using blackmail or hiring someone else to get his dirty work done. I needed to discover how much of the family business operations his father had turned over to him.
I pulled up a picture of Landon at a recent charity function. The son of a bitch had a lot of nerve acting like he wanted to help anyone. If he was the one who went after Carter, I was going to find him, capture him, and make him suffer in ways he’d never imagined. I was going to kill him and bring him back to life, then kill him all over again. That smug asshole was going to regret ever daring to abuse his younger brother.
16
CARTER
When I was far enough away from my cabin to be able to breathe, I pulled into a small parking area mainly used by hikers. I killed the engine and called X. He answered almost immediately like he was expecting me. “I suppose you want Leo’s number.”
“How the fuck did you know that?”
“Because I sent you to talk to Matteo and now you need to verify his story.”
“I…yes.”
“I don’t blame you. He could have made it all up. He could be here to kill you. He could have truly joined the cartel and now he’s a double agent for them.”
