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“And then you couldn’t have come back to me. We couldn’t be here like this. You wouldn’t have a chance to heal from what was forced on you.”
“I thought…I didn’t know if you cared for me at all. I couldn’t stay there and watch someone hurt you, and I couldn’t stay there and watch you close yourself off from me and decide we were done.”
“So you thought it would be better to risk your life and put yourself through hell?”
“Yes.”
“Sweetheart, you did a hell of a lot of good in the SEALs, and that’s what you were meant to be doing. That’s what you’re going to do now. You deserve to be happy. You never deserved what those men did to you.”
“There was a child….”
“Oh God.”
“I didn’t have to kill him, but I had to watch. I couldn’t have stopped it. Even if I’d jumped in front of the bullet, they would have killed him once I was down. But what kind of monster am I for not even trying? How can you…why do you want me?”
“You’re not a monster. You’re a man who’s been tormented and manipulated. Every single thing you’ve had to endure is another piece I will take out of my brother.”
“We need proof that he’s behind this.”
“We’ll get it. And once we do, Landon and whoever helped him will pay for everything. I’ll see to it. I will take them apart for you.”
“Carter, we’re doing this together.”
I nodded, but I didn’t really mean it. Matteo had been through enough. If my brother was behind this—and I was certain he was—then I needed to be the one to take care of it. It was a family problem. “I should’ve dealt with Landon and my father years ago.”
“You were only eighteen when you tried. You weren’t ready.”
“Well, I am more than fucking ready now.”
“You don’t have to do this alone.”
“Maybe I do, maybe I need to know that I can handle it.”
“Don’t be stupid.”
I’d been stupid before. Now I was going to be fucking done with all the hell that had fucked up my life.
25
MATTEO
Irested against Carter. I’d told him all I could, exposed my worst fears about myself, and he was still here, caressing my back and holding my head against his chest when my body screamed for me to run. He wanted me here. He was okay with the monster inside me. I’d been so scared he’d hate me for what I’d done, but instead of anger and rejection, he was giving me comfort.
“Do I get to sleep here, like this, with you?”
“You’ll be damn sorry if you try to sleep anywhere else.”
I sat up a little and gazed down at Carter. I brushed my fingers across his chest, then teased his nipple. When I pinched the dark nub, he grabbed my hand. “We need to actually get some sleep; we’ve got a lot to deal with tomorrow.”
“What if I want you again?”
He grinned. “You’re still as insatiable as ever. That hasn’t changed.”
“Tell me you don’t want it too.”
“Get some sleep, and if you’re lucky, you’ll get more in the morning.”
“One last fuck before we walk into hell?”
