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“Everyone thinks they’re different.” Max folds his arms and faces us again, more composed now. “You’re ripping me in half, you really are. And yes, I can’t do anything about you, El. But Charlotte is my employee…so…” He shrugs as his voice trails off.
My stomach feels like it’s being flushed down a toilet along with my career.
I’ve trashed everything I’ve worked for these last few years because I let my crotch rule my head. I know better than that. What kind of a fucking jerk am I?
A lump rises in my throat. Whatever I do, I cannot cry. I have to try to salvage this, and crying will never win Max’s confidence or respect.
“Perhaps you could both stop talking about me and I could talk for myself,” I say, limping forward, pain shooting through my foot as I step out of Elliot’s reach. “Whatever job you decided you want to give me, Max, I want it. You know I do. You know I’m hungry for more. You know I’ll work harder for you and be willing to learn more than anyone you’ve ever employed in your life. Please don’t take it away from me because of…this.”
“Seriously,” Max says. “This is a lose-lose situation. If I make an exception for you guys, everyone at work will think I’m an ass, and it will make a mockery of the nonfraternization policy. But if I don’t make an exception, my amazing assistant and my little brother will think I’m an ass and hate me. What the fuck am I supposed to do?”
“Please, Max.” The crack in my voice is embarrassing and wrecks every attempt I’ve made to show him I am a cool negotiator who can keep their head and their emotions together when the shit hits the fan. “Please give me a chance.”
Christ, I sound pathetic.
He looks at me. In silence. The way you look at a beloved pet when you know you have to put it to sleep.
“What is it, Max? The job you’d decided to give me?” I at least want to know what I’m going to miss out on.
“I was going to let you handle the takeover of Joyntz, the sports rehab company you liked the look of so much.” The despair in his voice is palpable. “Give you free rein, let you run with it.”
I never knew it was possible to be filled with such intense excitement and such crashing disappointment at the same time.
“That’s my dream, Max.” I step over a clump of pink wildflowers and hobble a few steps closer to him. “I have so many ideas for that business. Please hear me out. You know I can do it. I’d be so committed. No one else would do as good a job as me.” Even I can hear the desperation in my own voice. But maybe appealing to his business sense might work. “You’d be cutting off your nose to spite your face if you gave that job to anyone but me.”
“Right now, it’s not my nose or my face that matters,” Max says, pushing his hands into his pockets and staring at the mossy ground at his feet. “I just need to protect my business and everyone who works in it. I’ve had to make many agonizing decisions to do that in the past, and I can’t stop now. So that means that no matter how much it pains me—and I promise you it pains me—I have no option but to uphold the no fraternization and no mixing work and family policies.”
He lifts his head slowly and sinks his teeth into his top lip. He’s not lying about the pain. It’s written in every line and crease on his face.
His gaze wanders from me to Elliot. “Sorry, guys.” And the shoulders of the proudest man I know slump as he turns and walks away, twigs snapping under his feet.
“Shit. Max, stop.” I try to trot after him. “Ow.” Putting full weight on my foot doesn’t work out, and I crumble into a crouch.
“Here.” Elliot cups my elbow. “Come sit on this log and rest for a minute.”
“Rest?” I snatch my arm away. “I can’t rest right now. I have to stop Max from ripping my career to shreds and setting it on fire.”
Elliot’s hand hovers awkwardly in the air where I took my elbow away from it. “It’s better to leave him alone. Let him process it a bit more. It was a shock. I’ll talk to him later.”
Fury bubbles up from my toes and explodes when it gets to my belly. “You’ll talk to him? If you knew me as well as you say you do, you’d know by now that I don’t ever need anyone to speak for me.” With Max gone, I don’t bother to fight the tears threatening to spill out. “We just went through this the other day. I’ve fought all my own battles my whole life, Elliot. And I’ll fight this one too.”
I gingerly try to stand up, but the ground’s uneven, and I’m in heels, and I have a hole in my foot. I topple to one side.
“Whoa,” he says and scoops me into his arms. “I got you, remember?”
This time I don’t push him away. I allow myself to collapse against this kind, beautiful, smart man who just told me he loves me. And even though I’m upset and saying not-nice things, he’s still here, still catching me when I fall.
The emotional roller coaster of the last few minutes ramps up inside me, and the pleasure of Elliot’s embrace swirls with the terrifying helplessness of knowing Max will probably scrap his plans for my promotion.
Out of nowhere, a giant sob rocks my body. Because it’s not Max who’s trashed my career, is it? It’s me. I’ve done this to myself.
The sob is followed by another, and another.
“Hey. Shhh,” Elliot croons as if rocking a baby to sleep. “It’s okay. It will all be okay.” He strokes the back of my head and holds my sobbing face against his chest, which smells of his very particular laundry soap.
“I’m so sorry,” he says. “It was my fault. I shouldn’t have suggested we come over here. I was just so desperate to be alone with you, to kiss you.”
If only I could give myself to him. If only I could have everything. But I can’t.
