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“Oh.” I don’t know why the thought of Ella and Tim handling this on their own has me suddenly feeling weepy. It takes me several sips of coffee before I can remove the lump from my throat and speak without my voice cracking.
“Well, great. You’ve seen the place?” I want her to tell me she hasn’t seen it so I can offer to look at it with her. And find it rat-infested or too tiny or way too expensive.
Ella nods. “It’s perfect.”
I don’t want to be the voice of doom, but my sister hasn’t mentioned anything about cost, and there’s no way it will be as cheap as a partially subsidized dorm. “How much is it?”
Tim clears his throat. “Eight hundred plus utilities.”
He might as well have said eight thousand for as likely as it is for me to be able to afford that. Even with the scholarship, I still have to cover most of Ella’s living expenses and some of her tuition, plus my student loan payments.
She looks so delighted with her potential new place that I almost don’t have the heart to tell her I can’t afford it. “El, I don’t think—”
She cuts me off. “I’m getting a part-time job. We looked at the numbers and the time in my schedule, and I can make it work.”
There it is again. That “we” that doesn’t refer to her and me. It reminds me of Tim taking her to the doctor and solving problems without me. I’m not used to it, and it feels like chewing on gravel. Little bits choke me up and land hard in my gut.
“And being on Northside, it’ll force me to get up a little earlier.”
I cling to the remaining scrap of need. “Oh, well, I can make sure I call you in the mornings to be sure you’re up…”
She shakes her head. “No. Don’t do that. And don’t send me any more alarm clocks.” Ella lets out a long exhale and looks away like she’s preparing to drop a guillotine across my unsuspecting neck. “I hate that thing,” she mutters.
“El, what’s up?”
Her hand wanders across the table to where Tim’s hand rests next to his cup. He turns it over and wraps it around hers. “Nothing. I’m good. You should go back to Napa.”
“But I’m here. I want to help you.”
A friend of Tim’s rides up on his bike, and he excuses himself and walks over to chat with him. “Dude, you shouldn’t have left so early last night. It was lit,” I hear him say.
Ella lets out an exhale. “I love the guy, but he’s a little overprotective. He wanted to be here for me when I talked to you.”
“What? Why?”
“I was nervous.”
I feel like I’ve been slapped. Hearing that talking to me requires a chaperone makes tears prick at the corners of my eyes. “To talk to me?”
Ella grips her coffee with both hands and stares at the brown liquid. “I want to do this without your help. It’s time, and even if I mess it up, you have to let me fall sometimes. Tim is a really good guy. He didn’t freak out and run when I had the ectopic. He doubled down, and now he’s helping me find housing.”
I feel like a jerk when I admit to myself that I don’t want Tim to be all of those things for her—because I want to be the one she comes to for help. And that’s my issue, not hers.
“I’m sorry, El. I only wanted to be the best sister to you that I could.”
“Oh my god, Ruby, are you kidding? You’ve done that a hundredfold. Which is why I want to pay it back a little bit.” Another bus goes by. She has to wait to be heard, and we both watch the swirl of leaves whip into the air in the bus’s wake.
“You should go back.”
“We have a couple more nights until you have to vacate. Let’s make sure this housing thing comes through.”
Ella holds up a hand. “I’ve got this. Go back to him. Go back to your job. Start making wine again in your own closet. Be happy, sis.”
I know she’s trying to lift a burden from my shoulders, but I’m not quick to let it go. It’s been mine for so long that it’s part of my identity, and I’m not entirely sure who I am without it. But I know it’s time to find out.
I look at my sister, leaning back calmly against a bench, the guy she loves laughing with his friends a few feet away. He’s one of the good ones. So is she. “You got me to where I am. Be proud of it. I know I am.”
And that does it. The tears spring from my eyes as Ella reaches out and pulls me into a hug. “I love you. Always will. Go. Be happy.”
