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I should be ecstatic about the dinner reservation with PJ because it’s the best part of a week that has mostly gone to shit. Only, I forgot about it until just now. I close my eyes to block out the reality that in just a few short weeks, I’ve gone from professing my desire to make it work no matter what to forgetting we have plans.
It’s not that I don’t still crave PJ’s touch, her smile, her calming presence in my life. In fact, I want them more than ever. But work, as usual, has other plans for me.
“Shit.”
“So…I should cancel?” Kate chews on her thumbnail, waiting for my response. I can hear the chipping of nail polish, and my desire to have her leave my office beats any other thoughts.
“No, not yet. I’ll work it out. Thanks.” When I look back at my computer, Kate takes her cue to leave.
The space launch is a mess. I know I’m driving everyone crazy with my exacting standards, and it’s making it nearly impossible for us to stay on schedule. I’ve micromanaged all the things they accomplished while I was gone.
I don’t like the carbon emissions of this project, and my conscience won’t let me send the thing into space until I can make it more environmentally friendly.
I haven’t been in the lab much this week because I’ve devoted all my time to working on chemistry problems. I shouldn’t even be worrying about the emissions because we have enough government credits to launch without changing a damn thing. But that’s just dollars changing hands. We’re still damaging the planet, and that’s something I’m finding harder and harder to stomach.
Hours go by while scientists come in and out of my office with proposals that aren’t good enough. I keep sending them back to the drawing board as the clock ticks down to our launch day.
Finally, I face facts and ask Kate to cancel our reservation. No way will I be able to enjoy dinner with PJ if I have all this crap on my mind. I’ll call and explain, hoping she’ll understand. Again.
“Hey Colin, can you come take a look at something?” Chuck, my chief technology officer, looks excited when his blond head pops into view. “We may have a solution to the emissions issue, but it requires a little rebuild.”
I’m out of my chair in a heartbeat, rushing to the lab where the rebuild my team has in mind looks great, but it’s not little. “How long will this take to implement?”
A dozen pairs of eyes look back at me, and no one seems certain. “We’ll get going ASAP, but I can’t guarantee we’ll be able to stay on schedule,” Chuck says.
I nod. “Let’s put more people on it. The schedule has to stay, so let’s get to work.” I jump in with both feet and spend the rest of the day in the lab. The idea that we can build a greener product makes me the happiest I’ve been in a long time.
The hours fly by, and I’m surprised when Kate pokes her head into the lab to tell me PJ is waiting in my office.
Shit.
I forgot to call her and cancel. And now she’s driven two hours for our date. Kate ushers her into my office, and I take in her pretty dress and hair falling in smooth waves. I’m standing here in the same gray Henley I’ve been wearing all day and the jeans that are my uniform. I’m wearing glasses instead of contact lenses because I didn’t spend the extra two minutes to put them in this morning.
She takes one look at me, and her face falls. “Is this still a good time?”
“Sure. Yeah.” I know I don’t sound convincing, especially because my computer keeps beeping with incoming messages, and I get distracted by the onslaught.
“Maybe I shouldn’t come. It seems like you’ve got a lot on your plate.”
I start overthinking. Is she responding to what she believes I want, or is she looking for a way out? With no way of knowing, I have a knee-jerk desire to protect myself. I should give her an out.
“Whatever’s best for you.”
“Um, okay.” She sounds unsure. “But this isn’t about me. I was trying to do what’s best for you.”
I’m an asshole. She just drove two hours to see me, and I’m waffling and making her feel like I don’t want her when the exact opposite is true.
I close my eyes and inhale a breath. When I let it out, some of the panic has subsided. “No. Come.” I take her hand and lead her upstairs. “Let’s go look at some stars.”
After fifteen minutes in the quiet of the astronomy lab, I’ve calmed down. Even though I’m still working through calculations for our upcoming space launch, I’m happier now that PJ is here. So happy that for a minute, I almost forget about space at all.
It’s a good thing. And also dangerous because, damn, this woman makes me want to forget about everything I’ve ever cared about. I’m in love with her. A total goner. It thrills me and freaks me the hell out.
“Let me tweak the focus so you can see it better.” Standing behind PJ with my arms around her, I peer through the telescope and adjust the dials. The focus is good, but I want it to be perfect. I want her to see what I see.
“It looks pretty great to me.”
I laugh because she hasn’t even looked at the view of Mars I have in the scope, but when I pull my gaze from the telescope, I find her peering over her shoulder at me.
