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‘Nobody understands me better than you do. And I need you right there beside me.’
She was going to have to stand next to Rik and Jess, in full view of everyone, while they exchanged their vows and try to hide her emotions.
‘I’m going to be too busy organising. I can’t be bridesmaid as well.’
‘Nik, you’ve always been able to do twelve things at once. You can handle it. I’m not taking no for an answer.’
Nikki looked to her mum for support but Helen was clearly charmed by the idea of Nikki as bridesmaid.
‘You’ll be lovely. As long as Jess doesn’t expect you to wear red too. I’m not sure it’s your best colour.’
‘She can wear whatever she likes. But I just need her there in case I pass out. I’m going to be so overwhelmed at the prospect of marrying Rik, I might swoon.’ Jess put a hand to her forehead and did an impression of herself fainting at the altar.
‘Don’t worry. I’ll be there to catch you,’ Nikki told Jess, loyal and stalwart to the end. She could refuse her sister nothing. None of them could.
Two days later, Nikki bumped into Rik in the passage that led to Mariners. He leaned against the rough stone wall and smiled at her just as a watery sun deigned to make its appearance after a stormy night. He was bathed in a golden light so bright it dazzled her. He seemed really pleased to see her.
‘Hey.’
Nikki managed a smile. ‘Hey,’ she echoed, embarrassed by her lack of eloquence.
‘I hear you’re organising the wedding.’ His gaze swept up and down her. She felt sure she could feel it through her clothes. ‘That’s really kind of you.’
‘She’s my sister.’ She tried to keep her voice light.
‘It sounds like it’s going to be quite a big deal.’
‘Jess has already counted up about a hundred guests.’
Jess had invited everyone she knew and their dog. She was a social creature and a party animal. There would be no restraint with the guest list.
Rik pulled at the sleeves of his shirt, looking awkward. ‘I was hoping for more of a quick tying of the knot then a couple of drinks at the Neptune.’
Nikki tried to laugh. ‘Not a chance. You know Jess loves being the centre of attention.’
‘I guess so.’
There was an awkward silence. Neither of them wanted to mention the last time they’d been alone. Rik looked down. He drew a circle with his shoe on the wet granite cobbles while he thought. Then he looked up again.
‘I had to ask her to marry me, Nikki. I never forgave my dad for not marrying my mum. It ruined my childhood. I spent it wishing they were together. Wishing we had a proper family. Once I knew Jess was pregnant, I couldn’t put our baby through what I went through.’
‘No. That would be cruel.’
‘I just worry that I’m not going to be able to make her happy. I’m not sure she really wants this. Or me. Sometimes it feels like a game.’
Nikki swallowed. Was this her chance to put the knife in? She wouldn’t have to lie. Jess was bloody impossible. She moved the goalposts all the time. She manipulated people to get what she wanted and then moved on when she got bored. Should she reassure him? Or plant further doubt in his mind? Her heart was thudding as she gazed at him. His cloud of golden hair like a halo, backlit by the sun. The sharpness of his cheekbones. The soft, full lips she had once felt on her skin, fleetingly, so warm she could still imagine their heat if she tried hard enough. Did she have it in her to betray her own sister?
‘I’ve never known her so happy,’ she managed at last. ‘Honestly.’
He looked relieved. ‘I’m so envious, of what you all have. Your family. Your house. It’s all I’ve ever wanted and I hope me and Jess can …’ He was overcome with emotion. ‘I hope we can have something like that.’
He was almost in tears. Nikki wanted to step forward and take him in her arms. To comfort him. But she knew that would be disastrous. She could still feel that attraction, thrumming backwards and forwards between them, a zip wire of electricity.
‘You will,’ she reassured him. ‘The wedding’s going to be beautiful. I’ll make sure of it. And you’ll be happy.’
She tried to smile but she could feel her lips twisting, and tears gather in her eyes. He reached out a hand and touched her shoulder. He couldn’t speak. He just nodded. She could feel his fingertips burning through her shirt. And then he turned and walked away, and she gazed at his retreating figure, those long legs, that slight swagger, the way he shook his hair out of his eyes. She wanted to call out to him to come back. Tell him to walk away from Jess while he could. Tell him that she, Nikki, was the one who could give him what he craved. Love, a family, a place to call home. But she couldn’t.
She watched him disappear through the archway and head out into the street and it was as if the sun had gone in, even though it was still shining down on her.
