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Jess never complained about her work. And she supposed none of them ever really acknowledged what she did, and just took it for granted. They didn’t see her, with her uniform on, at the cliff-face, making decisions that were literally life and death, all the blood, sweat and tears, having to deal with distraught relatives, keeping morale high. No, they just saw the other side of her. Jess with her party face on, glass in hand, jokes at the ready.
‘Right,’ said Nikki. ‘You are going to go into work, and I don’t care how you do it, but you’re going to organise a month off in the autumn, even if you have to hand in your notice or go off sick. And you’re coming with me and Tamsin to Bali to see Bill. He’ll find us a villa, or one of those huts on stilts on the beach, and we’re going to do absolutely nothing. And it’s on me. My extension can wait. I don’t even need an extension.’
‘Oh wow,’ said Jess, brightening. ‘Can you imagine how much fun we’d have?’ She had her arms round Nikki now. ‘I’m sorry for waking you up. I think I’m probably a bit mad at the moment.’
‘It’s our age,’ said Nikki drily. ‘Hormones are not our friends.’
‘Watch out, Bali. Three peri-menopausal old bags are going to hit you like a hurricane.’ Jess took Nikki’s hand. ‘Can I crash here? I can’t face driving home.’
‘Of course.’ She rummaged in the pile of clothes on the floor and found her a spare nightdress. Jess always had a toothbrush in her bag. She used to say you never knew when you were going to get lucky.
Minutes later, Jess was curled up fast asleep. Nikki lay next to her, wide awake, agonising over what a terrible sister she’d been. She hated herself for what she’d done. Even if it was partly Jess’s fault in the first place, for stealing Rik from under her nose. Though was it? Did Jess’s transgression excuse hers? Of course it didn’t. She lay in the dark, one arm curled over her sister to protect her, as her mind wandered back to the past, asking herself if things could have been different, if there had been a moment when she could have altered the future for all of them.
30
Then
It had been Jess’s idea for Nikki to organise her wedding to Rik.
She stood in the middle of the kitchen at Mariners on a Sunday morning, clasping her hands in mock prayer – a classic Jess gesture when she wanted something. Nikki was eating toast and strawberry jam, trying to ignore her. Helen was immersed in the Sunday paper, enjoying her second cup of coffee, but looked up to listen to her daughter’s pleas.
‘You’d be so brilliant. You’re so organised, and I’m totally useless,’ Jess wheedled.
It was true. If Jess had any hand in arranging the wedding, it would be chaos. She’d probably forget to post the invitations. She’d have no interest in feeding her guests. All she’d worry about would be keeping the wine flowing and hitting the dance floor. Nikki would make sure everything was perfect and everyone was happy. It was what she always did. It was obvious she was the person for the job.
It made absolute sense.
Privately, it was Nikki’s worst nightmare. To be in charge of the one thing she was dreading. The very thought of Rik and Jess at the altar made her feel sick, but refusing to organise the wedding would cause uproar. She could imagine Jess enlisting Rik to try to persuade her, and that she couldn’t handle. She still hadn’t been alone with him since Jess had dropped her baby bombshell and they’d announced their engagement. Now the pressure was on to get the wedding organised before Jess got too big for the photos.
All she could do was agree, and pray that in the meantime fate would intervene and she could find a way not to be there.
‘OK,’ she said. ‘Give me a budget, and a guest list.’
The less she protested, the easier it would be to step away.
‘All I know is I want a red wedding dress,’ said Jess.
‘Oh, Jess,’ said Helen, alarmed. ‘Really?’
‘Yep. That’s the only thing I care about. Everything else is up to you, Nik. I don’t care about food or seating plans or any of it, really.’
Nikki and Helen exchanged glances.
‘Married in red, you’ll wish yourself dead,’ murmured Helen.
‘That’s rubbish, Mum. There is no way that the colour of your wedding dress can affect your future.’ Jess didn’t subscribe to superstition.
Helen sighed. There was no point in arguing. And Jess would look stunning in scarlet, even with her baby bump, which was just starting to show.
‘Oh, and there is one other thing,’ said Jess. ‘I want you to be my bridesmaid.’
‘What?’ Nikki looked at her in horror. She had planned on hiding herself away behind a pillar during the ceremony.
Jess slid her arms around Nikki’s neck and planted a kiss on her cheek.
‘I know I don’t say it very often but you’re my best friend as well as my sister.’
‘I am?’
