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‘A glow? Right. OK. Is he going to be at your party?’
‘Yes. He’s doing tacos. And Palomas.’
‘Does he have a name?’
‘Adam. Adam Fitzroy.’
Tamsin looked thoughtful. ‘Nikki Fitzroy.’
Nikki bashed her friend on the arm. ‘Stop it. I told you. It’s not going to happen.’
‘Why not? I haven’t seen that light in your eye for a long time.’
‘Honestly. Nothing is going to happen.’
Tamsin jumped off the fence. ‘Well, I don’t know how he could possibly resist you. You’re gorgeous. And successful. And kind. I mean, what more does the guy want?’
38
Nikki reflected on Tamsin’s words on the way back home. She wasn’t a consultant anaesthetist with a talent for painting and interior design, but she was a lot of other things and she should remember that. She realised the postcards she’d been sent had knocked her confidence. They’d reminded her of the version of herself she liked the least, and brought out her insecurity. It was unsettling, thinking someone might know the truth. But there hadn’t been any more since the second, so maybe she didn’t have anything to worry about. She should focus on the future, not the past.
She remembered the advice Adam had given her, about making room in her life for the things she wanted to do. And she thought about Phoebe, and how she had made her dream wedding come true, golden horse and all. Maybe she should stop listening to her inner critic and start manifesting? Although really, that was just positive thinking and being proactive. Thinking about what you wanted and making it happen.
She was going to make it all happen.
As soon as she got back to the office, she started to draft an advert to put online.
ASSISTANT WEDDING PLANNER
I run The Seaside Wedding Company, a successful wedding planning business in beautiful Speedwell by the sea in North Cornwall. I’m already nearly fully booked through to the end of next summer. I’m looking for someone to come and help make these weddings unforgettable. You will need to be super organised with a good head for figures, an eye for detail, a great imagination and excellent people skills. A sense of humour would help too.
If she found the right person, this would make a huge difference to her life. Yes, it would cost money, but she would make more money, by taking on more weddings. At the moment she could never do more than one in a day. Once her assistant was fully trained up, they could take on their own. Why hadn’t she done this before? she wondered.
As she posted it onto the local Facebook noticeboard, she set off for the lifeboat station for training night. It happened once a week without fail, and she always looked forward to it, because, somehow, she got so absorbed in whatever task they’d been given that all her worries faded into the background. She loved the camaraderie too. Rescues could only work through teamwork and she realised she needed to incorporate that into her working life. By taking on an assistant, she might feel less alone and more supported.
When training had finished, she headed into the station to find Archie Fowler. He was on the computer in the crew room, fine-tuning the rotas for the coming months. He reminded her so much of her dad, his tanned wiry legs sticking out of his baggy old shorts, his slow Cornish burr. And the kindness. Oh God, the kindness.
‘I’m going to take you up on your challenge,’ she said. ‘I’m going to go for helm. I know it will be tough, but I think I can do it. I think I should do it.’
As soon as she said it, she knew she’d be really disappointed in herself if someone else stepped into the role.
Archie gave her his slow smile, the one that showed the creases in his weather-beaten face and lit up his powder-blue eyes.
‘I’ll see you through it,’ he promised. ‘I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t think you were up to the job. You know that.’
‘I know,’ she said. She was the one who had to believe in herself. Everyone else already did.
Just before she went home, she got a text from Jess.
I went to see my manager. She’s suggested I take a career break for a few months. They don’t want to lose me. She suggested a bit of therapy too. I’ve been carrying all this grief around with me for years, and it would be good to talk it through with someone. Then maybe I won’t behave like such a fuck-up all the time.
Nikki smiled and texted back. That’s great news. And you’re not a fuck-up. Or maybe we all are, to varying degrees.
Jess’s reply was a line of emojis. A cocktail, a sunset, a wave, a heart.
Nikki FaceTimed Bill straight away, and told him to add his aunt to the guest list along with his godmother.
‘Oh my God. Is Bali ready for Jess?’ Bill had laughed. ‘Don’t worry, Mum. I’ll find you guys somewhere super cool. You’re gonna love it.’
