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“I have an employee who more than wants to tread where angels fear to go,” I told her.
“Oh, really?”
Knowing that Ellie was tenacious enough to keep me on the phone until the end of time, I told her all about Posie Tinley, and the conversation that I’d had with her the other day. I also told her how Posie intrigued me, but that I still wasn’t sure why.
Finishing up my story, Ellie said, “I’m pretty sure that I’ve never heard you talk about a woman like this before, Kill.”
“Well, you’re not exactly my BFF at a slumber party, El,” I countered. “My sex life isn’t anything that I’m going to run to my sister about.”
“So, you’re having sex with her?”
“Of course, I’m not,” I huffed. “She’s my employee.”
“So, then we’re not talking about your sex life,” she huffed back. “We’re talking about your love life.”
“First off, both are none of your business,” I stated like a true big brother. “Second, not only am I not having sex with her, but I’m not in love with her, either.”
“You know what I mean,” she said. “Quit being a jerky jerk.”
I let out a heavy sigh. “Even if I wanted to…see more of her, she’s my employee, Ellie.”
“Who cares?” she quickly replied.
“Every work harassment policy ever,” I shot back.
“This isn’t the fifteen-hundreds anymore, Kill,” she said. “Women have a voice and they’re using it. If this woman is not interested in you, she has the power to turn you down all nice and politely.”
“The law claims otherwise,” I pointed out.
“Laws, shmals-”
“Laws, shmals?”
“-The definition of harassment is systematic continued unwanted behavior,” she went on. “It’s not asking someone on a date.”
“Again, according to the laws of the land, if she feels like she has to accept because of my job title, then that falls into the category of harassment,” I pointed out again.
“People date coworkers all the time-”
“I’m not her coworker, Ellie. I’m her boss.”
“So, what?” she stubbornly asked again. “How do you know that she doesn’t fantasize about you tying her to your bed with your suit ties? Or bending her over the desk in your office?”
“Jesus Christ, El,” I muttered, this conversation taking a very traumatizing turn.
“Look, I’m trying to make a point here-”
“Can you make it, then? Preferably before I have to bleach my ears?”
“You ask her out, if she says no, then you back off,” she said. “And if she takes this to H.R., then you just stay out of that call center from now on. Work it remotely.”
“And if she wants me to resign?”
“Then let her sue,” she replied easily. “You’re the one always saying that you have too much damn money anyway.”
“Ellie-”
“Besides, does she even strike you as the type?” she asked. “You aren’t the type to be interested in drama queens or women who want to go viral with a stupid news story.”
