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The sound of my office door had me turning around, and my entire body froze as I watched Posie walking across the carpet like she owned the place.
Fuck, she looked stunning.
As soon as the door sounded shut behind her, she lit into me. “So, you’re best friends with the Benettis, kill people in your spare time, and have a sister that was attacked in college just like I was?”
My jaw ticked as I slid my hands in my pockets. “I see you’ve spoken to Lennon.”
Posie arched a brow when she was standing in front of me. “Well, at least someone felt like I deserved the truth.”
It was hard not to get defensive or pissed off. Posie was acting like my secrets were of the everyday variety and they weren’t. This wasn’t like erasing threesome porn from my browser history. This wasn’t like sneaking a cigarette after professing to have quit. This wasn’t lying about a beer with the guys when it’d actually been four beers already.
“And what would you have done, Posie?” I challenged. “Had I told you all about my little hobby, my connection to the Benettis, and about my sister, what would you have done? I mean, let’s forget for a second that it’d be totally ridiculous for me to share such dark secrets with someone that I barely know-”
Her head reared back. “Are you fucking kidding me?” she shrieked. “It’s okay for you to know the darkest secrets of someone that you hardly know, but it doesn’t go both ways? You got to know the worst moments of my life, but it wasn’t fair for me to know yours?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Posie,” I snapped, my temper finally getting the better of me. “Your secrets won’t land you in prison.”
She blinked at me in disbelief. “If you would get off your goddamn, self-sacrificing, martyring high horse, you’d know that my secrets are every bit as illegal as yours.”
“How do you figure?” I bit out. “Do you go around killing rapists?” This was the most unwise conversation that I’d ever had with anyone, but there was no stopping it now.
“Because the last time that I checked, accessory after the fact is still a felony, and I’ve kept my fair share of murderous secrets,” she spat, and I was finally getting a good look at another side of Posie Tinley that I hadn’t expected to exist.
Running through her folder in my head again, it wasn’t too hard to deduce what she was referring to. “Let me guess,” I drawled out. “Lennon took care of your rapists, and you’ve been keeping her secrets ever since.”
“They’re not her secrets,” she insisted. “They’re our secrets. That’s what you don’t get.”
“Then explain it to me!” I thundered.
I watched Posie take a deep breath as she ran her hands through her blonde hair. We were both a mess, and I wasn’t sure which one of us was worse off. Talk about fucking tons of baggage and not even the normal kind. We were both able to turn a cold, callous, dismissive shoulder at murder, and we were both associated with people that were far too dangerous to piss off. It hadn’t been but a week, and we already knew secrets about one another that could send us to prison. We were arguing about who sins were worse and whose soul was darkest.
When Posie was done running her fingers through her hair, those brown eyes of hers locked onto my blue ones, and she asked, “What do you see when you look at me?”
I wanted to lie to her.
I wanted to tell her exactly what she wanted to hear.
I wanted to say the perfect thing to make all this bullshit go away.
Nevertheless, no matter how much I wanted to take the easy route, I knew that I couldn’t. I’d already broken her trust, so there was no way that I could lie to her now.
“You want to know what I see when I look at you?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“I see someone that I want to bend over my desk, pin her to it by the back of her neck, then fuck the shit out of her,” I admitted truthfully. “I see someone that I want taking my dick as I wrap my hand around her throat and fuck her into oblivion. I see someone that I want to fingerfuck underneath the table while we’re having dinner in a public restaurant. I see someone that I want to fuck against the wall, her body pinned between mine and the drywall, with no chance for escape. I see someone that I want cumming on my cock as she screams out my name, not because she’s scared, but because she can’t get enough of my dick.” I stepped towards her, then cradled her face with my right hand. “I see someone that I wish I could fuck the way that I feel into her, but I can’t. I can’t because I also see someone that I will take however I can get, and the only way I can get her is with rules. Rules that I will be happy to live by for the rest of my life in exchange for the one thing that I want most in the world.”
“And…and what’s that?” she asked, her voice raspy.
“Once upon a time, I would have said your love,” I answered. “But I’m quickly learning that trust might be the most important thing that you and I can ever have between us, even over love.” Her eyes began to water, and I couldn’t believe how angry I was beginning to feel at the world again. “Oh, don’t get me wrong, Posie, I want your love. However, love isn’t what’s going to keep you with me, and I know that now.”
She jerked her head, stepping back, putting some space between us. “How can you even look at me and think…those things?”
“Because contrary to what you accused me of earlier, my dick doesn’t get hard for rape victims,” I said pointedly. “It doesn’t go looking for weak, vulnerable, damaged women.” She had the grace to flush. “I don’t get off on surrounding myself with abuse victims, Posie. I don’t enjoy knowing that there’s a need for what I do in this world.”
“Killian-”
“And if you think that I’m not aware of how wrong it is of me to want those things from you, even after knowing everything that you’ve been through…well, you’re wrong,” I continued. “If I had any kind of decency, I wouldn’t have those thoughts when I look at you.” I regarded her carefully because I wanted her to hear me; I wanted no misunderstandings. “There’s a better man out there for you, Posie. There’s one that’s going to understand the broken parts of you and not fantasize about wanting to test your boundaries, and you know what? Hats off to that guy. Good for fucking him.”
