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“Make it convincing?” he murmurs between feverish kisses. “Every minute you spend away from me feels like I’m bleeding out. Even so,” he bites my lower lip, “being with you is almost as tough. I crave you, Lilyana. I’d crawl naked over broken glass if it made you smile.” His voice takes on a desperate edge. “How did you not notice I was fucking dying? You’ve been killing me slowly for years.”
He pulls away. I’m incapable of responding, so I just blink stupidly, trying to get my breath back.
“Enjoy your evening,” he says, suddenly stoic. “I have to go.”
And with that, he’s gone, leaving me with tingling lips and my body aflame with desire.
24
Lilyana
The children are safely dispatched to bed, excited to be having a sleepover of their own. With the men out, it was the easiest way to do it, and Dulcie assures us she’ll listen out for them.
Heidi arrives, and we get comfortable in my suite. There’s plenty of room, and after we raid all the couches in the house, we have enough cushions to sprawl on the floor quite happily.
“So Heidi,” Josie says, pouring neat Razberi Stoli into a shot glass, “how do you like your men?”
“Like this drink,” Heidi replies, taking it from Josie’s hand. “Cool, kinda fancy?”
“Goes down easy time after time?” Josie laughs and slams her shot. “I hear you.”
Morgana snorts and reaches for the bottle. “Too much information! That’s my brother-in-law you’re referring to.”
“Oh?” Josie tosses a cushion at Morgana but misses by a foot. “And what about Vladi and that thing with—”
I put my hands over my ears. “La la la. Stop. Don’t wanna hear it!”
“Sorry,” Morgana laughs. “If I have too much, everything hurts in the morning. And the vodka has a similar effect.”
I accept a shot from Josie and down it in one. If they’re gonna talk like this all night, I can’t be sober.
Two-thirds of the bottle later, the alcohol is working us loose, and I’m tired of feeling like the kid at my party.
“Something happened between Arman and me,” I say.
Heidi and Morgana were winding up into a chaotic rendition of ‘You Can Leave Your Hat On,’ but now they’re staring at me. Josie almost chokes on her drink.
“Woah,” she splutters. “You kept that quiet, you sly little minx! Did you fuck him?”
“No.” I look at the three rapt faces and smile shyly. “Look, if I tell you this, you gotta keep it to yourselves.”
Morgana and Josie nod solemnly. Heidi gives a snappy salute with the hand holding her drink, and throws it over her head, to chaotic laughter.
“We promise!” Heidi wipes her face with a hand towel. “Spill the damn tea!”
“I’d never had an orgasm before,” I begin, my voice almost a whisper. “I told Arman while we were arguing. He said he thinks of me when he jerks off. It got heated, and he,” I drop my voice to a whisper, “talked to me while I touched myself.”
Josie’s mouth drops open. “Holy shit. So did you—”
“Yeah.” I smile, avoiding her stare. “We both did. Then he sneaked back into the apartment in the early hours and…went down on me.”
“Is that why you were late?” Morgana asks. “You should have said!”
Heidi rolls her eyes and drops flat on her back on the fur rug. “Oh my God,” she says. “That’s the hottest thing I’ve heard in my entire life.”
Morgana blows her breath out through pursed lips. “Well, damn. Okay. And then?”
“He kissed me tonight like he was losing his mind for me,” I say. “The stuff he says suggests he feels something, but I’m having trouble believing him.”
