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“Honey, come and sit. Let’s talk.”
I inched further into the room.
“We don’t have to. I’m over it now. I’m sorry for what I said.”
My mother just patted the bed until my resistance crumbled and I sank down beside her.
“Look, I know it’s not easy. Your father and I might be a little overprotective, but the alternatives are far worse. The last thing I want is to see you tied up over some guy, distracted, unfocused… I know it sounds like an over exaggeration right now, but believe me, Lily, this time is important. You’re shaping the rest of your life. You can’t afford any mistakes.”
Maybe making some mistakes is exactly what I need.
My mom didn’t get it. She couldn’t remember what it was like to be my age. I had nothing to drive me except for wanting to make my parents proud. I felt like I hadn’t lived for myself yet. I kept putting it off and putting it off for some later date. But my protests remained sealed behind my lips. I’d never say them. I couldn’t break her heart like that.
“I know, Mom. Don’t worry. You don’t have to worry about me, you know that.”
Good ol’ dependable Bug. I was depressingly predictable. If I died before I graduated college, at least they could put on my headstone that I “aimed to please, no matter the personal cost” – that was something to be proud of, right?
My mom patted my hand. “I know, honey. I know.”
Cayden
I wentto eat with some of the guys from the team before heading home on the bus. Midnight Falls was nearly an hour away, and I needed every second of the journey to come back down. I was high on the hope that Hade Harbor and the Hellions gave me. It was a dangerous feeling.
Coach Williams had spoken to the principal and school board about me. He was fighting hard for me—for his own benefit as much as mine—but still, I’d never had a teacher take such an interest in me.
My school wasn’t award-winning at anything, and my coach was a tired old man who drank too much and passed out at most of the games. The rest of the team was a joke, and the left winger was a serious pain in the ass. Chase Elliot was more of a liability than an asset for the team. If I didn’t get the fuck out of here, there was a real chance I’d kill the fucker. As it was, the team was never going to be good enough to attract scouts. I was going nowhere fast here. But in Hade Harbor, playing for the Hellions, there was a chance, slim as it might be, to claw my way out of the hole I’d been born in.
I got off the bus in Midnight Falls and made my way out of the bus station. It was crowded with the usual faces. Their eyes skittered from mine. I recognized most of them. It was my job to know them.
I’d worked for my foster father since I’d turned fourteen and started to fill out. By the time I was sixteen, he’d moved me from peddling his poison to collecting payment from the miserable souls who owed him money. Uncle Jack was a two-bit criminal, thief, and dealer who’d made Midnight Falls his territory. There wasn’t much you could wring out of the people who lived here. The town was well below the poverty line and nearly everyone and their neighbor had a drug problem. But Uncle Jack was inventive. He always found lots of ways for the desperate to pay their debts-and it was my job to make sure they delivered.
By the time I was seventeen, my soul was already tarnished, and my heart jaded. People were desperate, weak, crawling things, and this world was simple–crush or be crushed. The most ironic thing of all was that Jack had been my savior, the one who’d taken me away from my first foster family. I was pathetically grateful when he’d taken me in. I thought that everything would change. I was wrong.
It was ironic that Lillian Williams’ nickname was Bug. I tended to think of most people I interacted with as crawling insects—following the next hit blindly, unaware of the boot about to stomp them out of existence. To me, Lillian Williams seemed anything but that.
“Cade!” A shout reached me from across the dark street.
I glanced to the side, spotting a familiar figure hurrying toward me. His name was Sid, and and he'd been a victim of addiction-and my uncle-for nearly a decade. It was a miracle the guy was still alive.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing, nothing… just wondering if you’re carrying tonight. I feel like partying.” Sid reached my side and grabbed my arm, latched on like a leech.
“Not tonight.”
“Oh, come on, man, I know you always have something on you for emergencies, it’s just good business!”
I stopped so abruptly that Sid slammed into me. He swiftly backed away, a terrified expression flashing across his wasted face.
“I said I don’t have anything. Don’t make me repeat myself.”
My cold words froze him to the spot. His eyes met mine for only a second before darting away. Few could meet my stare these days. It was a black, yawning pit. I’d yet to find the bottom.
“Okay, sure, sorry to bother you,” Sid muttered and spun so quickly, he slipped on his tattered shoes and went down.
I turned away, not wanting to watch him squirm around on the ground while trying to get up. He wouldn’t want my help, anyway. He wouldn’t want me touching him. He wasn’t used to kindness from me, and there wasn’t any point in confusing him. I might be feeling generous from my day in Hade Harbor, but I was still just me.
The bad guy.
