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“And you just had to decide that for me?”
I shrugged. “What are you waiting for? It’ll only get harder. Does it feel good to lie to them every day?”
My attack left her speechless. Her eyes glittered. She was angry and upset at the same time. She could join the fucking club.
“I’m not lying to them.”
“It sure sounds like you are. Do you have any idea how hard your dad is working to get into HHU – for you?”
“That’s not the only reason,” she muttered.
“But it’s a big part, and you know it.”
“Yeah, well, maybe I don’t want him to.”
I chuckled. “I know you don’t. I’ve read your journal, remember? The real question is when are you going to grow a pair and tell them the truth? When are you going to stop being such a fucking coward? It’s not a crime to want some space – except from me.”
She scoffed, her expression hardening. “You’re so into the truth, but you hate the idea that I told everyone the truth about you,” she pointed out.
My expression turned into a glower. “Was that finally a confession?”
She huffed a pained laugh. “I don’t care if you think it was. I’ve given up trying to get through to you. I officially don’t give a fuck what you think, do, feel – any of it.”
Her words hit like boulders against my feeble shields. Nobody bothered me or upset me like this girl. She knew all the buttons to push.
We stared at each other, at an impasse.
“Better hurry on home.” My voice could carve ice.
She pulled back, and the loss of her proximity chilled my skin. She stood and moved around the table, avoiding my eyes, stuffing her notebooks in her bag. I watched her go.
She paused before she left the table. “Is this it – the breaking of your toys?”
A raw laugh left me at that. “Didn’t you break me first? I’m just returning the favor.”
She shook her head slowly, a sadness in her eyes that made it hard to hold her gaze. She leaned in toward me, resting a hand on the tabletop. Her hair rushed down in a waterfall over her shoulder, sending a delicate perfume my way. It was the same addictive smell of her T-shirt, the one I slept with every night.
“One day, you’re going to realize how wrong you are. You’re going to understand that I never betrayed you and that I always wanted the best for you, but by then it’ll be too late. The one person you opened up to will be gone forever.”
“What makes you think you’re the one person I opened up to?” I challenged, but there was nothing behind my words. We both knew they were true.
She smiled, and it was devastatingly beautiful. “You might know me well enough to fuck with me, Cayden, better than anyone else, but don’t forget that I know you, too.”
I leaned in, getting right in her face, so close that the temptation to kiss her was a physical ache. Christ, I missed her. I missed her touch, her body. Most of all, I missed her smile. Nothing could make me feel like Lily could with one smile. When she smiled at me, I was invincible. Salvageable.
“Just confess, and we can put this behind us…just tell me the truth and never lie to me again.”And I can trust you again. I didn’t say the last part out loud, it was too damning. Had I already forgiven Lily? Maybe I’d forgiven her that moment in the locker room, when she’d cried so prettily and the sight of it had broken my heart. But I didn’t know how to go back. I knew better than most that the past could never be undone.
“But you see, Cayden…even if I did confess, and you accepted my apology, I’ll never forgive you. I’ll never forget. Ever. So, none of this matters, really, in the end.” She delivered the last words in a soft, lethal tone, then turned on her heel and strode out of the diner.
Lily
The house wasquiet when I let myself in a little later. I’d gone over what I’d say to my parents a hundred times, and it hadn’t made me feel any better. No magical answer had appeared inside my head, so I was at a loss as to what to do. No, that wasn’t true. I knew what to do. I was just afraid.
I’d spent so much of my young life afraid, and I’d never even realized it until I met Cayden. Now, I had nowhere to hide. He was forcing me out into the open, and I’d never been more terrified. I’d been scared of disappointing my parents and my teachers, damaging my father’s reputation at school, and failing to meet the expectations of those who had pinned all their hopes on me. I didn’t feel ready to confront that boatload of issues, and yet, thanks to Cayden fucking West, I had no choice.
“Lily? We’re in here.” My father’s voice drifted to me from the kitchen.
I slipped my shoes off at the door and padded along the hall, toward judgment.
