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“Belle…” Chandler tilted her head and looked like she was about to cry.
“No, it’s a good thing, remember? It’s going to be good,” she said, lying to herself.
CHAPTER 32
Saying even a temporary goodbye to Belle had not been easy after the night and morning they’d shared. Chandler hadn’t ever wanted to be in two places at once before, so trying to process the desire to skate with Lincoln Cates, who was one of the best skaters in the country, if not the world, and be with Belle at the Ice Park at the same time was confusing and difficult. Chandler hadn’t been sure what the biggest part of her had wanted to do. The shock that Lincoln was now without a partner for this cycle and that he’d called her first to replace that partner had taken over, but when she’d gone to Belle’s office, things had started to balance and then, shift because Belle was so beautiful. She was beautiful, kind, smart, funny, and she made Chandler feel like she was enough for the first time in her life.
As she’d stood there in the doorway, Chandler had thought about leaving everything behind but this – but Belle, and the Ice Park, and a life here – which was ridiculous because Chandler hardly knew anything about this small town. Still, she could see herself there with Belle, going out to the local restaurants, watching Sheryl and Belle’s dad flirt with each other while he continued to heal, skating together on Belle’s own ice, and watching Belle skate solo from the bleachers, marveling at her talent like she always had. But Belle had told Chandler that she was off the hook, and Chandler’s feelings shifted away from all of that.
She hadn’t wanted to be let off the hook. Yes, the thought of managing a new long-distance relationship while also getting to know a new partner and trying to get them a spot on the Olympic Team would be incredibly difficult. There would undoubtedly be missed phone calls, texts, and FaceTime chats. She’d be too tired to talk long some nights, and so would Belle, who would go back to managing things at the Ice Park on her own for at least the next several weeks. They’d probably end up getting mad at each other. There would be fights. And they’d have to talk about visits and how to arrange them, with them both being so busy.
After they said goodbye, she got into the SUV and headed for the airport to catch a flight she’d just booked. She knew that Belle had been right. While Chandler hadn’t wanted to say goodbye even for a few days, she needed to skate with Lincoln to find out if they could be good partners for each other. They didn’t have a lot of time; maybe not even enough to make an impression on the committee that would be selecting the team for the upcoming Olympics.
If Chandler was careful, and she could keep herself from getting injured, continue to work hard, eat healthy, and give up everything else, she supposed she could try to make it into the next Olympic Games if she missed this cycle. Walker would be back, and because they were friends and partners, he might be willing to give it a shot and partner with the oldest figure skater on the team by far.
When she got to the rink, though, something felt off. Lincoln was already on the ice, warming up. His coach was standing off to the side, watching him skate but not barking out commands like her sister used to do. That was when she realized what felt off.
“Hey,” Catalina said.
She’d come up from behind Chandler and now stood beside her.
“What are you doing here?” Chandler asked with no emotion and without looking at her sister.
“Lincoln’s coach called me first. I told him I was no longer your coach, but he asked that I come to this tryout just to have the conversation, if this works out, since I’m also your sister. I didn’t tell him you fired me; just that I’d decided to take a break. So, that’s probably why. I’m not here to make trouble. I only came here because he asked. And if it turns out I’m not needed, I’m gone.”
“Cat, you’re not my coach anymore.”
“I know. But you told me I only seemed to care about being your coach and not your sister – this is me doing something as your sister, Chandler. I’m not trying to be your coach again. I do think you need one, and I’ll help you find one, if you want, but I get it, okay? I’m here because I don’t want you to miss out on this because you don’t have a coach right now.”
Chandler turned to her and said, “You really just came here as my sister?”
Catalina turned, too, and replied, “I’m not going to make excuses. I know I’ve messed things up between us. And I don’t know if it’s irreparable or not, but you told me to give you some space, and I did some soul-searching. Then, I went to find you, and I realized when you fired me that I might not see you for a long time if we’re not working together. Mom yelled at me and told me it was my fault. Then, she yelled some more and said it was your fault for not being good enough because this whole thing shouldn’t be this complicated. I realized that while I have to own my shit, it’s really mostly all her fault.”
Chandler nodded and said, “Yeah, it probably is.”
“She’s pitted us against each other since you first put on skates, and I’ve let her. I didn’t exactly tell her that, and I’ve got a long way to go, dealing with all of this, but when Lincoln’s coach called, I realized this might be my only chance to at least try to make something up to you while you’re still skating. He’s the number two pairs skater in the US and in the top ten in the world, Chandler. Walker is amazing, and he was number one in the US and in the top five, but I still think this is a step up for you. From what I’ve seen and heard, Lincoln puts in the work. And if you think you two can gel together, you should do this. Walker was great, but he had natural talent, so he sometimes just rode that to medals. That is all fine, but I think without him and his skating royalty status, you need someone who will work with you. Lincoln can get you there.” Catalina then pointed to Lincoln and added, “You can get each other there. That’s what I meant.”
“Cat, we’re not okay just because you came here. You know that, right?”
“I know.” She nodded solemnly. “Like I said, I’m here because I didn’t want it to look like you didn’t have anyone in your corner. But if you want me to go, I’ll go. Just don’t screw this up because you’re mad at me, okay? I’m not here to yell out commands or give you a hard time. I’ll just stand there and take your lead. I don’t want to coach you anymore, Chandler. Mom wanted that because she wanted to be elsewhere and have someone close to watch over your career. I don’t know that I even know what I want to do, but it’s not coaching you anymore.”
“You can stay,” Chandler said. “But it’s my decision, Cat; whether or not I stay and do this or say no.”
“No problem,” Catalina replied. “I get it. I’m moral support. It’s your career, Chandler.”
For some reason, hearing her usually overbearing older sister telling her that it was her career hit Chandler hard. It was like it finally landed that it was her career, and she could do whatever she wanted to. The first thing she pictured in her mind wasn’t Lincoln and her standing on a podium, receiving gold medals, though. It wasn’t even her with Walker up there, waving at the crowd, smiles on their faces and happy tears in their eyes because all the work had paid off. The image that hit her mind first was of Belle skating solo on Chandler’s rink to Taylor Swift, moving freely around the ice like she didn’t have a care in the world. The second image Chandler saw was her skating with Belle; not in the competition, but in the privacy of Chandler’s rink, and with Belle trying to lift her, laughing, putting her down, laughing some more, and trying again. She saw Belle opposite her at a table shoving a doughnut in her mouth, smiling with how good it tasted, and aiming it in Chandler’s direction for her to taste, too. Then, she saw Belle on top of her, kissing her neck, her hand between Chandler’s legs, making her come while she whispered things into her ear.
“You’re so beautiful,” Belle had said that night. “I can’t believe I get to touch you.”
Chandler felt the same way. She felt like everything in her life, even including Walker’s unfortunate injury and the article she’d read about the US allowing same-sex partners in their competitions, had led her back to Belle Elrod, the girl she’d once liked as more than a friend but hadn’t been brave enough to kiss outside of that changing room, telling all the other girls to mind their business.
“You know what’s interesting?” Chandler said after a minute.
“What?” Catalina asked.
“That dreams change. And sometimes, you don’t even realize it until you’re confronted with it.”
“What do you mean?”
