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I hung up before I changed my mind and begged him to please stop by. I was being pathetic, and no one should see me like this, least of all the man who’d survived about the worst someone could go through and had been so brave and courageous. He’d pity me if he saw me now, feeling all sad and lonely because my twin brother had found the love of his life and I hadn’t.
Tears welled up in my eyes, blurring my vision. I slid onto the floor, hugged my knees to my chest, and finally allowed myself to break down. Sobs racked my body, amplifying the hollowness inside me. I was being ridiculous, but I couldn’t seem to stop, so I let go. Thank fuck I had at least waited until no one could see or hear me. What a mess I was, what a sad, sad mess.
I felt so fucking lost. I’d known Tiago would retire. He’d only fulfilled existing contractual obligations, but he hadn’t wanted me to book anything new. Of course I’d seen this coming. But now that he’d said the words and made it official, it hit me all over again. He was gone. What would my future look like without him by my side?
“Get a grip,” I said sternly, wiping my face with the back of my hand. I couldn’t wallow in self-pity forever. I needed a plan, something to help me find my footing. Anything to distract me from this feeling of loneliness and emptiness.
I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t live here in this perfect little house in this perfect little town and pretend my life was perfect because it wasn’t. It sucked. Tiago retiring sucked. Me being alone sucked. Feeling like this sucked. Everything sucked, and I wasn’t strong enough to deal with this. Jesus, not even an hour on my own and I was losing it.
I couldn’t do this.
A thought crossed my mind, and I seized it like a lifeline. London. I could escape to London, at least for a little while. The thought of being thousands of miles away from Forestville, from seeing everyone here all lovey-dovey, from the inevitable confrontation with myself and the tragic emptiness of my life that being here brought, seemed appealing. And Santa mãe de Deus, I needed to do something to break through this overly dramatic woe-is-me pity party before I flung myself onto the floor and wallowed.
Before I could change my mind, I grabbed my phone and searched for flights. My heart pounded as I found an early morning departure—perfect. With a mix of trepidation and excitement, I booked the ticket, sealing my decision. Fifteen minutes later, I’d thrown some clothes into my suitcase, grabbed my passport and travel necessities, and hightailed out the door, just in time remembering to lock up behind me. I’d sleep in a hotel near SeaTac, and I’d be in London by tomorrow afternoon.
Problem solved.
Right?
19
FIR
The harsh midday light filtered through the blinds, casting slatted shadows across the exam room as I washed my hands, the strong scent of the anti-bacterial soap drifting into my nostrils. I was tired, bone-tired, and I struggled to focus on Tiago, who was putting his shirt back on after I’d finished examining him for what he called a nasty cold that wouldn’t subside.
I cleared my throat. “This is not a cold, Tiago. You have an ear infection, a throat infection, and a sinus infection, and I don’t like the way your lungs sound at all. I’m gonna prescribe you a course of antibiotics, and if you don’t see improvement within the next few days, please let me know. We may have to resort to stronger methods and put you on steroids.”
“Thank you,” he said, sounding like he had a lifelong habit of smoking two packs a day.
“If your throat bothers you, ask Brianna for some Dutch black licorice. Her husband orders it from a Dutch online store, and the stuff works wonders to soothe an aching throat. If you can stand the taste, that is. It seems to be one of those love-it-or-hate-it flavors. Personally, I’d rather eat dirt, but that’s just me.”
Tiago chuckled. “I’ve had it before and didn’t mind, so I’ll ask her. Thanks for the tip.”
“Of course.” I cleaned my stethoscope and hung it around my neck again. “Everything at home okay?”
He quirked an eyebrow. “Yeah, why?”
“It’s a standard question I ask every patient who comes in, in case there’s something they need to talk about. Mental health is a crucial aspect to overall health, and it can impact your physical well-being in ways we don’t always understand.”
“Gotcha. Yeah, everything is okay at home.” A sweet smile softened his expression. “Still very much in love with Cas. I’ve never been happier.”
“I’m so glad to hear that. You both deserve all the happiness.”
He cocked his head. “Me and Cas? Or me and Tomás?”
“I was talking about you and Cas, but obviously, I wish Tomás the best as well.”
That had come out smoothly and professionally, and I was proud of myself. See? I could separate personal and professional, even if it cost me not to ask Tiago how his brother was doing. I hadn’t heard from him in a week, and I was eager for a repeat of our last hookup, which had been nothing short of amazing.
Tiago studied me, then sighed. “Tomás left town.”
I frowned. “For a job, you mean?”
Funny, he hadn’t mentioned anything to me about it. Not that he owed me an explanation.
“No, he went to London on a whim. Didn’t even tell me before he decided.”
“Wait, Tomás left? Why would he do that?” I asked, unable to hide my shock at the news.
