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“I’ve…I’ve never felt like that about someone.”
I pushed my empty plate back and leaned back in my chair. Damn, that frittata had been fantastic. “There’s still time.”
“So I’ve been told.”
“You don’t think so?”
He was quiet for a long time. “I’ve started therapy,” he finally said. “I went with Angie Robinson, one of the psychologists you recommended.”
“Oh, that’s great. I like her. I spoke with her for an hour so I could recommend her to my patients, knowing they’d be in good hands.”
“We’ve had three calls, and it’s been an experience. She doesn’t hold back.”
I chuckled. “No, she doesn’t, but for some people, that’s exactly what they need.”
“It is for me. The downside of fame is that far too few people dare to tell you the truth anymore. She doesn’t seem impressed by all that, and it’s been refreshing.”
“What’s been the biggest eye-opener so far?”
He bit his lip. “Are you asking me as my friend or as a doctor?”
I shook my head. “I’m not your doctor, Tomás. I never was, except for your appendicitis. I’ll never be able to turn off that part of me entirely, but this is a conversation between friends, not between a doctor and his patient.”
Why would that make a difference? I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but apparently, it did to him.
“We’ve been talking about the stories I tell myself, how I explain or rationalize my behavior to myself. It’s made me self-conscious as fuck, which is annoying, but it did help me see that I lie to myself a lot.”
“I think everyone does, to some degree. The question is if those lies are harmful to us or others.”
“They were.” The vulnerability in his gaze took my breath away. “Mine hurt Tiago and ultimately myself. I told myself he needed me, that he couldn’t function without me, but the truth was that I wanted to be needed. I kept him small so he’d be tied to me, and I didn’t realize it, not until Cas came into his life. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being sorry for what I did.”
I took his hand and laced our fingers, my need to comfort him too strong to ignore. “You did it out of love, and I’m sure Tiago knows that too.”
“See, that’s what I always told myself, and I even said as much to Tiago, but now I question that too. Can it be really love if it was so self-serving? It didn’t benefit him. Just me.”
“Of course it benefited him. Maybe not to the degree you thought it did, but the truth is that Tiago did need you for certain things. He could never have handled some aspects of your jobs without you, especially all the contracts. But he didn’t need as much help as you gave him.”
I’d barely finished my sentence when another yawn hit me. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude.”
“You need to get some sleep,” Tomás said. “I shouldn’t keep you up.”
“I need to shower first,” I mumbled. “I feel gross.”
“Then go get that shower. I’ll clean up here, okay?”
He let go of my hand, which was tingling after the contact, but I didn’t want to think about that now. “Okay.”
I dragged myself upstairs, dropped my clothes on the floor, and padded into the bathroom. I stood under the hot spray for a long time, my headache receding a little. When I turned the water off, a thought hit me. Had Tomás left? He’d said he’d clean up, but I hadn’t said good-bye or told him I’d love to see him later. Quite inconsiderate of me.
With a deep sigh, I patted myself dry and walked into my bedroom…where Tomás was waiting for me, perched on the edge of my bed. My heart jumped up with joy. “I was afraid you’d left already.”
“I didn’t want to take off without saying good-bye.”
I finished toweling off and grabbed a fresh pair of underwear. Funnily enough, I wasn’t bothered by being naked in front of Tomás. “I appreciate that. I was so tired I didn’t even realize I’d walked upstairs without saying anything.”
He sent me a soft smile. “It’s all good. Get in bed. I’ll hang up your towel.”
Wow, he was making an effort, wasn’t he? I could get used to this. I pulled back the covers. “You made my bed.”
