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“It always sleeps much better under fresh sheets. I put the laundry in the hamper.”
Was he for real? I shook my head as I slid between the sheets, which smelled like lavender thanks to the little sachets of dried flowers Samuel always insisted we put between the stacks of linen. As soon as I inhaled the scent that reminded me so much of my husband, my eyes drifted shut. “Thank you,” I mumbled.
Warm lips touched my cheek. “Sleep well, meu amor.”
Meu amor? That was a new one. Didn’t amor mean…?
22
TOMÁS
I watched Fir sleep, a strange, soft sensation filling me. When I’d sat down on the bed next to him, he hadn’t even stirred, and at some point, he’d turned onto his side toward me and slung an arm around my thighs as if he wanted to make sure I wasn’t leaving. He didn’t need to bother. I wasn’t going anywhere.
What was happening to me? I’d never felt this way. So…warm inside, just from watching him. My belly was all fluttery, and my heart was… Hell, I had no idea what it was doing, but it wasn’t normal. None of this was normal. That I was sitting here, content to do nothing but watch him sleep, wasn’t normal—and neither was that I’d been doing this for the last two hours. I couldn’t look away.
His freckles were a million fascinating shapes against his creamy skin, and his lips were rosy red. I loved his long lashes, as rusty as his hair, which was a glorious, endearing mess. His arm rested on my thighs, his slender wrist and hand holding on to me as if he never wanted to let go. Neither did I, and what did that mean?
I knew attraction. Attraction was easy to recognize. It was mostly sexual, my body responding to a man’s appearance. Sure, it could raise my heart rate a little, but that was about sexual chemistry and nothing else. I didn’t even have to like someone to be attracted to them.
This was nothing like that. Oh, I did like Fir. I liked him a lot, in fact, and what was more, I respected the hell out of him. He was a good man, kind to the very core of his soul, a great doctor, and from what I could tell, a fantastic dad to his sons. I admired his strength, his sense of calling and duty, his moral compass that kept him choosing others’ needs above his own.
And I was attracted to him. Redheads had never held a particular fascination for me, but I couldn’t deny that he did. I adored his creamy skin and the freckles he despised so much. His glasses were stinking cute, and his green eyes were gorgeous. I loved how he let go when we were in bed together as if he could shed his role of dad and doctor for a little while and just be Fir. He was so responsive and passionate and far sexier than I had ever imagined.
But this feeling inside me was more than me liking him and being attracted to him. It was bigger than that. Almost as if…
Was this what falling for someone felt like? Was this what Tiago had experienced when he’d met Cas and had developed feelings for him? I’d seen it on my brother’s face, in his eyes, which changed whenever he looked at Cas, filled with this sense of wonder, as if he was in awe of him. Tiago had always been softer than me, far more gentle, but Cas had brought out that tenderness in him even more.
Like Fir had with me. Cooking for him? Changing his bed sheets? Being there when he came out of the shower? I’d never done that for anyone. And of course watching him sleep was a whole new level of that strange softness that filled me whenever I was around Fir. Hell, it came over me from hearing his voice.
I’d asked Angie if she thought I was developing feelings for Fir, but she’d laughed. That was for me to discover, she’d insisted. All she could do was ask questions, and she had.
Had I ever felt like this? That would be a no.
What was different about it? Hell if I knew, but it had something to do with feeling all mushy inside.
What did I want it to be? That had been the toughest one. Did I want to have a crush on Fir or whatever the appropriate term was for a man my age? A crush was not it. That sounded like we were back in high school, but I had no idea what word to use instead.
Love? That seemed crazy. I couldn’t be in love with Fir. Love developed much more slowly. It had steps, didn’t it? This process where attraction grew into love. At least, that was how I had always imagined it. Like Auden and Keaton, who had become friends first and then had fallen in love. Though Tiago hadn’t needed much time to fall for Cas, and my parents had married within six months of meeting each other. Hmm.
I rubbed my eyes. I was exhausted and in desperate need of sleep after traveling the whole day. I’d come straight from the airport to find Fir. Hell, Tiago didn’t even know I was back in town. Not that I intended to keep it a secret from him, but I’d wanted to see Fir first.
But now the thought of walking out and leaving Fir by himself was… It crushed me. I didn’t want to go. His sons wouldn’t be back for another week, so we’d have time together. Was it bad I wanted that? That I wanted the opportunity to figure out what all this meant?
I blinked and opened my eyes with effort. If I wanted to make it home in one piece, I had to get up now. Oh, crap. My car was still at Fir’s practice. I’d have to walk back there. And I couldn’t take his car because he needed it in case he got called in for a medical emergency. Fuck this. I wasn’t gonna walk back, not when I was this tired.
Decision made, I wrangled my jeans off and took off my T-shirt, making sure not to disturb Fir. I would’ve loved to brush my teeth, but I wasn’t risking it, too scared I’d wake him up. So I turned off the light and slipped under the covers next to him. As soon as I did, he wrapped his arm around me again and slung his leg over mine like an adorable, clingy octopus. And I, who’d never been a cuddler, closed my eyes and fell asleep, more content than I’d been in a long time.
When I woke up, it took me a few seconds to figure out where I was, but then I looked into Fir’s wide-open green eyes.
“Hi,” he said, his voice still heavy with sleep.
I turned onto my side. “Hi.”
“You’re still here.”
“I was too tired to walk back to get my car.”
“Right.”
