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But I refused to let their absence dictate my emotions.
If I focused on what I didn’t have, I would never appreciate what I did have.
“Talk to me, Farrow.”
“Drink?” I detoured to the whiskey cart, poured two glasses, and sat on top of Zach’s desk, swinging my legs. “I think we’ll need them.”
He padded to me, ignored the proffered drink, and stepped between my legs, resting his chin on my shoulder. A few months ago, he couldn’t even lay a pinky on me. “What’s going on in that chaotic head of yours?”
Everything I thought I knew about my past is wrong.
I don’t know who I am. Nor what my goals are now that fencing is gone and justice will be served.
I’m scared of turning into Vera, prioritizing all the wrong things.
I believe, with every ounce of my soul, that I’m better for you than Eileen. But I don’t want to dive into a relationship without knowing who I am first.
Instead, I settled for a simple, “I’m afraid what I’m about to ask you is selfish.”
“I want you to be selfish.” He circled my wrist with his fingers and raised the drink to his lips, taking a sip exactly where I’d left a ChapStick mark. “Consider me your personal genie. Your wish is my command.”
“Tell me something about octopuses,” I blurted out, getting last-minute cold feet.
Just do it already, you chicken.
“Hmm…” Zach buried his nose in my hair, inhaling my shampoo—which, in true mooch fashion, happened to be his. “If that’s your idea of a selfish request, we’ll have to revisit the dictionary.”
“Please.”
He closed his eyes, sobering up, and I wondered if he thought this would be the last time he gave me an octopus fun fact.
His eyes shot open. “Octopuses have eight tentacles.”
“Wow. Who would have thought?” I rapped a knuckle on his forehead. “No wonder you’re famous for that two-hundred-something IQ.”
“I’m not done, brat.” He tapped the tip of my nose. “I’m surprised you managed to survive twenty-three years with all that patience.”
“Sorry.” With my free hand, I mocked a zipper, sliding it across my lips and tossing the key.
“Excuse me, missy, but absolutely not.” He picked up the imaginary key from the floor and used it to unlock my mouth. “I have a lot of plans for that mouth of yours, and it needs to be open for all of them.”
I rubbed my knuckles against my cheek, fighting the heat. “Carry on.”
“In Mandarin, the word forfoursounds like the word fordeath, which is why four is the unluckiest number in Chinese culture. I was born on the fourth day of the fourth month of the year. Eight, on the other hand? It’s the luckiest number.” He pulled back until we faced each other, nose to nose, mere inches apart. “You’re my good luck charm, Farrow Ballantine. Even the universe knows I need you.”
It was the closest he had ever gotten to saying he loved me.
My heart rebelled against my brain, threatening to tear out of its arteries and jump onto him.
Don’t do it, it begged with each thump.Stop this.
“I want a consolation prize.” I jerked my thumb at the Go board. “For losing the game.”
He arched a brow. “Is this the selfish request?”
I nodded, diving in. “Promise me?—”
“I promise.”
