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Being a false idol put me on a track to nowhere. Joining the military and enlisting sounded like a good thing on paper. Everything had to be done in moderation. Crawling through the mud and seeing the enemy in my scope was going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
“I’m going to take a stab in the dark. You know somebody that should atone for his sins. Have you ever thought of reaching out to him and making your feelings abundantly clear? He might not even know what he has done to incur your wrath. Some people are oblivious to the pain of others,” I chirped with my voice neutral to keep her from realizing that I was almost finished.
“I think in time that I might be able to forgive but I will never forget. The worst thing of all is that I’m not able to forgive myself for letting him into my life. He was rather convincing but something happened along the way. Our path was never destined to be together no matter how much I wanted it to be," she stated with this beguiling smile designed to make me feel pity for what she had gone through.
“That was a long time ago. You might not want to hear this but it’s time for you to get past it. He may never come around and tell you how sorry he was. The one thing nobody should be able to do is keep you from living your life. Whatever pain you had to endure is what has defined you into the woman you are today. I see somebody that is strong and resilient, able to face anything head on without blinking,” I deflected from my own demons to give her a different perspective.
“I never thought of it that way before. Where would I be without that one defining moment in my life? I really don’t know how to answer that question. I make my own rules and live with the consequences. It doesn’t always work out," she professed with the last of the bandage in place, a piece of tape securing it.
“That wasn’t so bad. I distracted you long enough to make the process easier. It’s something I have done for my friends when they thought they were going to die. It’s also unnerving to think about how some things change and others stay the same. Playing football was my life. It seems superficial when I think about it now. Acceptance isn’t an easy concept,” I debated the issue with her looking at me the entire time.
The killer instinct was inside me lurking below the surface. It could sometimes translate into a passionate exchange of ideas. It wasn’t right to make an innocent young woman a substitute for my pain. My mind was able to play tricks on me in the cold light of day.
“I’ve never been one to follow the other sheep. There’s only so much I can take before I decide to lash out unexpectedly with no explanation,” she advised “Treat me with kindness and respect to get the best out of me. Use me and abuse me at your own discretion. People have to learn the hard way to never try to cross me without expecting retaliation," she warned to keep me from making the same mistakes others had.
“I would never do anything to hurt you,” I answered.
“We both know that’s not true," she mumbled while touching the bandages gingerly without too much pressure.
It was a strange thing for her to say without any context.
